Karma ||H.S||

Chapter 25

Song:  Everybody Lies - Jason Walker

I'm not going to lie. Seeing my best friend in the state she was in for most of the night, did something to me. It broke my heart in ways it's never been broken before. When I look at the sweet and innocent girl that Astrid is, I want to so badly protect her from the cruelty of the world. I want to make sure she never gets hurt and I hope to God that she will never feel pain like I have, even in the smallest of ways.

I know now, in the world we live in, that there's no way in hell that I will ever be able to protect her completely, even from boys who seem more than perfect for her. But what I can do, is be there to pick up the pieces when she falls and help her through the tears to make her feel whole again.

It's been a long time since I had a friend I cared enough about to be there for like I am with Astrid. And while we spent the entire night in her car by the beach with the windows rolled down, listening to the waves, I realized that letting her cry and yell at the world for this small thing that's broken a part of her, is important. It's something I think I always needed, but never had and wished I did--just someone to let it all out to.

Listening to her talk didn't just help her feel better, it helped me as well, to understand that no matter how hard the people who care about us try, they're going to make mistakes, simply because they're human and no one is perfect. I know it's something that I always should have understood, because hell, I'm living proof of that every day.

It made me realize that maybe I'm being a little too selfish when it comes to Harry. I've known from the beginning who he was before me. He'd been very clear about it and I know how hard it is to change. Sure, he lied to me and in the process, the whole thing had Astrid in tears, but I had to look at the bigger picture and realize that even though someone ended up getting hurt, Harry was just doing something for his friend. I had to look at it from his perspective--something I always had a hard time doing--to understand why he did what he did.

It could have been handled a different way. Blake put Harry in the middle of things. I'm not sure if that was intentional, but it definitely wasn't necessary. By the time I realized this, I was more mad at Blake than I was at Harry and ashamed of myself for coming to conclusions too quickly and not being able to take back the words I had already spoken to him.

When I think that I've come a long way from being the person I was before, seeing the way I processed the situation at the roller rink, made me realize that I haven't come as far as I originally thought. I still have many issues to work on. Yes, Harry lied to me, but I really didn't give him very much time to explain himself before I ran my mouth off to him and said things that I shouldn't have.

The only person who was in the wrong in this whole stupid situation, was Blake. Whether his ex girlfriend just wanted to talk or not, her being his ex never should've been a secret and they probably could have just met up in a public place---or not at all.

Blake had apparently tried to explain his reasoning to Astrid and she told me that he just didn't want to hurt her, knowing that his ex girlfriend was around. It was never his idea for Zoey to come out to the pub and he never liked the idea of it, but the other guys insisted that after having to put up with them and their shenanigans for two weeks, they owed her a few drinks. Astrid was never meant to know it was his ex girlfriend, but after Zoey's departure from Blake's dorm was seen in action, the truth had to be told.

Trying to justify someone's actions when it comes to their intent on lying about something had my mind reeling. I can easily rationalize the reasoning behind a lie, so I could understand why Blake would lie to Astrid about this. It didn't make it right by any means and I know that I was just trying to make Astrid feel better about the whole thing to make her see that his intentions weren't as bad as we thought they were. But it did make me realize I was definitely too hard on Harry for this, because I know from experience, from my every day life, that there are sometimes good reasons to lie.