Karma ||H.S||

Chapter 23

I had grown up with my good group of girl friends, that included Jenny, Ava and Lexi, and although we were inseparable through so many years of our lives, when popularity seemed to be more important to them than most things, the only reason I stuck around, was because they were what I knew. Sure, they were fun, outgoing and spontaneous, and we had some really great times together, and I wont lie, being popular definitely had its perks. But if I could go back in time, I probably would have rather been friends with girls that had more depth to them or at least liked the same things I did so I wouldn't have ever had to hide certain parts of myself when I was with them or pretend to be someone I didn't think I was or even really want to be.

They turned out to be ruthless, cunning, manipulative bitches. I'm sure their families and their riches somehow had something to do with it, although I could never understand their meaning behind wanting to ever hurt the people that they did, just to get a little higher on the social ladder. And yet, I still considered them my friends, pretending to agree with the things they said or did. While everyone else seemed envious of us, I couldn't wait for the day things could change and I could leave them behind.

The only girls I knew in Vancouver were Ivy and Sloan. I only ever involved myself with them because I had to. They were just two of the other girls who were hand picked from being in the wrong place at the wrong time by the guys that lived in Ryan's house. There were definitely more than just those girls who came and went over time, but these two were the ones I saw the most of because they "belonged" to Trent and Maddox, like I did to Ryan.

Their situations weren't quite as bad as mine was though. They enjoyed doing the drugs the house was always inhabited with, which made what we went through apparently more bearable to them. Getting black eyes and bruises and raped just happened to be something that came with getting their drugs for free. We had a bond like I never had with anyone before and we understood each other better than most people would because of what was happening to us. But otherwise, they weren't really the kind of girls I ever would've tried to be friends with. I don't miss them whatsoever. But I do miss someone understanding me the way they did.

Being friends with girls now is a lot more fun than I ever remember it to be. I cherish my time with Astrid and Nova and I make sure to never take them for granted. I hold onto them tighter than I think I ever did with any other girls I've been friends with, simply because I can be myself with them. They know me, with little to no lies. There's no pretending to be someone I'm not, and we're friends because we want to be, not because we're forced to know each other or have a horrific thing in common that binds us together. They don't look at me through judging eyes and everything with them isn't just tolerable like the friendships I've had in the past, they're comfortable and actually hold meaning.

And that's why, over the last couple weeks, I've taken advantage of getting in some much needed girl time, while Niall's idea to get a bunch of guys together for paint balling one night, turned into an every night thing.

While the boys were off being boys, shooting each other with paint filled guns, us girls decided to do our own thing. Dinners out, drinking at the pub and even some evenings in to watch Netflix. Nova had sometimes brought along one of her classmates, Blair, to join in our girl's nights. It was nice to just have some easy going conversations, forget about school work for a couple hours every night, allowing stress to just whither away in laughter filled evenings. It was a good reminder that my life now isn't what my nightmares are made of, and I think it even helped me to sleep easier, because the nightmares started dwindling down and they were finally gone now.

Although it was great to have all the girl time, it was nice to still climb into bed every night with Harry next to me. Nova's stuff was still very present in our dorm room, still claiming half of it as hers, but Harry occupied it far more than she did these days, making it feel like no matter what we did throughout the day, he was still coming home to me. It was like a perfect mix of life. School, friends and Harry. And it was the first time I felt normal. Like life for me was finally settling into this blend of things that I always needed and should've had. I was finally getting everything that life had to offer, in all the proper ways.