The Label Maker

BLOG SIXTEEN: THE COUSIN

You only see them once, maybe twice a year.

You only see them during the holidays.

And yet, as little as you see them, you can't stand them. They are either way younger, a year younger, or even super old, or even five months older than you. They think that if you are older than you they can tease and make fun of you. They think that if they are younger they automatically have the right to annoy you. Either way, no matter how old they are, it's a lose-lose situation.

Your parents and the rest of your family loves them. They see them as a saint. They never do anything wrong. If something breaks, it's your fault. If someone gets hurt, it's your fault. If someone is even in the slightest way upset, it's your fault. If there aren't enough mashed potatoes for lunch or dinner, it's your fault. It's always your fault. Everything is your fault. Even if they don't get what they wanted at Christmas, somehow, somehow it's your fault.

You talk to your parents about them, but they call you crazy. They think you are making things up to get attention since all your relatives are around. They think you are crazy. They think you don't want to get in trouble, so you blame your cousin for something that you did. But you didn't do it. You never do it. Your cousin is always responsible. They do what they do because they know it bothers you. They know that you will tell. They know that no one will believe you.

Whenever they see you, for those two short days, those several hours they are there, they live to make you go crazy. They live to make your holiday hell on earth. They live to annoy you. They live to get you in trouble. They live to make you look like Satan instead of the angel you are. They think that if someone else looks worse than them, they will get away with anything. Normally, they are the ones who are spawns of Satan. They are little demons. They are trouble. And only you see that.

Your cousin is always asking you questions. "How old are you now? How's school? Do you have a boyfriend? What is your girlfriend like? What, you don't have a girlfriend? How can that be? You're awesome!" He tries to kiss your butt, so you won't get angry. But the thing is, the questions do make you angry. You don't want your cousin to know everything about you. If you have a friend over for the holidays, your cousin goes out of the way to embarrass the both of you. If your girlfriend is over it's the end of the world for the both of you. If your boyfriend is spending the holidays with you, you might as well break up with him now. The odds are, your cousin will hit on him, older or younger. The odds are, he will tell your girlfriend she is hot. They won't leave your friend alone. They won't leave you alone until they break down.

And just as you think they never will leave, they do leave. They leave you crazy. They leave you feeling insane. And then you have a whole year to recover from the traumatizing holiday. But then after that year is up, the process is repeated once again.