So I'm sitting here at a family gathering. Family dinner. I've written about my extended family before, but it's at these things that I really notice how introverted I am. Sure I love being social, it in human nature to be in contact with others-but in some areas, I feel I just don't belong.
I've felt this way about my extended family for a while. I think the first time I felt it I was about 7 I think. I was a very sensitive and innocent child, and I sometimes wonder how I ended being myself.
The first time, my cousin was my best friend. She was my age and everything. But then she started ignoring me and hanging out with the older girls, I think I spent the rest of the night crying in the closet until it was time to go home. It was how I learned to cry silently and hide it later.
I think that was one of the first heartbreaks in my life. It sounds petty now, but I was a child. How did I know how to deal with pain. Even now I sit downstairs on a couch with both earbuds in waiting for when my parent say its time to go home. I've talked a little bit, but it was mostly about schools and drama. I guess to them I'm not an interesting enough person to talk to. Course there are big differences between us.
They do sports, I do the fine arts. They do boys and school drama, I go to a different school and I don't really focus on boys.
I haven't had much real life dating, more online but that is a story for a different day.
Even my band geek cousin from a town in the middle of nowhere is more social towards them.
Am I so comfortable being introverted that I can be fine with this? No I'm not. Maybe that sensitive little girl still just wants to talk with them. Maybe I'm just pmsing.
Anyways good not everyone.
74
~ Auri
~ Mc the Hammer
YOU ARE READING
My Untitled Mess ~ Personal
Random" i can put on a show " A journal that is full of half truths that turn into real truths. My journey throughout adolescence. My journey through undiagnosed depression. Come for the memes, stay for the letters to me.
