My Untitled Mess ~ Personal

Fear

Fear. The very word is something I don't feel often.

But on nights like tonight when my mom asks for my iPod to see if I've been doing anything bad on it is when I do feel it.

Now, If you've actually read this whole thing then you'd know that I did have problems with said 'bad things' in my past. Now heaven me doing anything of the sort. I've found life to be just more enjoyable if Im not filtering that stuff into it.

I may be hostile and rude sometimes but dirty jokes and bad behavior? No, go to my Ex-friends for that. Those people will gladly do that for you.

Back to fear though. As I said the most discriminating thing I have on here is either this app or YouTube. The most discriminating photo is a gif Brendon Urie shirtless and doing a backflip. I'm as clean as any honor roll high school freshy.

I fear that my mom will find something she finds disappointing. I sit there trying to keep my face straight and my heart from beating out of my chest while my personal privacy is invaded. It felt like I was in that scene of the Tell-Tale Heart, where he can hear the heart underneath the floorboards.

But of course, my mom simply handed me my iPod back and said, "you should read more". Thank god, or whoever or whatever is up there.

Another thing I just thought about. The reason why I idolize Brendon Urie so much. I watched this interview a while ago about his life after he graduated high school. He came from a Mormon family-much like mine- and lived in the same general area. He was even born in the same hospital. But when he was 17, he came clean to his parents about his views on his religion. He didn't want to go on a mission, he didn't believe in some of the churches values, much like me. He left home when he was 18 and was signed by Fueled by Ramen shortly after.

I want so badly to be like him. Talented, funny, brave, fearless.

Well that's all for tonight.

~ Auri
       ~ Mc the Hammer