Chapter 19: Smouldering

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To burn slowly with smoke but no flame.

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"I can't do this anymore, Bindo," Taylor murmurs. Bindo crawls around on her mattress and she exhales. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be easy, harmless...detached."

The painted tortoise looks up at her, his little black eyes glittering with what she imagines is concern. She sighs and slumps against her pillows, raking her fingers through her bangs and pushing them up, making her look as frazzled and dishevelled as she feels.

"He...I see him everywhere. Every song is about him, everything reminds me of him." She hugs her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. "Hun said they were monsters. I didn't know what they were really like. I didn't try to find out." She grabs a fistful of her hair and takes a deep breath. "If his family is anything like him, I know that they're thinking of the greater good. I can't...can't..."

She sniffs and harshly wipes beneath her eyes, cussing when she sees a black streak of makeup on her pointer finger. Bindo waddles over to her foot and crawls on top of it, tugging at the hem of her leggings, and she scoops him up with a dying laugh.

So...what's the problem? she imagines him asking.

She sniffles as a few tears leave tracks on her tanned cheeks. "They're innocent. They don't deserve what's coming and...I didn't—" She chokes, as if the words are getting lodged in her throat. "I didn't plan to feel like this."

Bindo croaks and she smiles a little, kissing the top of his head. As she sets him back in his tank, she makes her decision.

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Taylor strums her guitar absentmindedly, her thoughts a million miles away. Raphael should be here soon and when he shows up, she has to tell him everything.

Sure enough, the footfalls of the red-masked turtle approach and he appears with a casual smirk on his face. She turns around and just the sight of him makes her knees wobble and her stomach twist.

"Hola Raph," she greets.

"Hey, what's up?" he asks, strolling closer to her.

"Listen, there's a lot. I know more about Mutacorp," she admits as she swings Vic onto her back. "They're...they're planning something with the city, with the mutagen. I don't know what, but you need to stop it. If you don't, I don't think anyone will, and I can't. Not alone."

He holds his hands up, reaching over to brush her hair from her eyes. "Woah, hey...calm down. Take a few deep breaths," he says, fingertips lingering on her cheekbone for a second longer than usual.

She shakes her head, forcing her mind to stay on track. She has to tell him about what's going on and she can't do that when he's touching her as if she's made of glass, being so gentle in a gesture that's so strange coming from his rough fingertips. She can't focus when he's looking at her with enough smouldering heat to melt the ice surrounding her, igniting a fire inside her.

"I...I'm supposed to do stuff that I don't want to do," she says, tugging at a lock of dark hair as her pupils dart everywhere but his face. Her sentences are scattered with frantic mutterings of Spanish. "The scientists, all they want is money and fame. They don't care about who they hurt or what they do to get it, and I don't want them to hurt you. I don't want them to hurt your family, and—"

"Tay..." he whispers, his stark green eyes searching every inch of her. She feels like a book that's been taken from the shelves, pulled open and read through so that every little secret surfaces, becomes known.

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