into the light - destiel

chapter eleven

~Charlie's POV~

*1 year ago*

'Ch...charlieeee? can aaah talk to youhh?'
'Dean? how drunk are you right now?'
'am not drunk. am just sad.'
'why are you sad Dean? come on, sit down next to me.'

Charlie made room on her bed for Dean, who stumbled across the room and slumped down next to her. she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his forehead.

'charlieeee. I haf a prob...problem.'
'what is it Dean? talk to me, come on. don't be shy.'
'well...charlieeee...your gay right?'
'yes Dean, why do you ask?'
'well how did you know? becauseeee I think I might be....yanoooo...gay.'
'why do you think that?'
'because I love cassss! I love him. I do.'
'you love cas? as in cas the Angel?'
'yehhhh what other cassss would it be? my cas.'
'oh..so you think your gay?'
'only for cas though. I don't wanna go round fucking dudes. I just loveeee cas. I wanna kish him an hug him an jus look after him.'
'how long have you felt like this Dean?'
'I don't knooooo-oooow. not long...maybe a couple of monthssss? hahaha.'
'dean...cas is an angel...he might not be capable of feeling things like that...you might not get anything back from him.'
'that's whyyy I'm scared charlieeee. what if he doesn't love me back? what do I do? I'll die Charlie, I will die.'
'dean, don't be silly. you won't die...just talk to cas. explain to him...even if he doesn't feel the same, he won't shut you out.'
'noooo Charlie you don't understand. I don't deserve cas' love. I'll die...I'll kill myself! cas deserves a nice pretty
aaaaa-ngeeeel.'
'what the fuck do you mean you'll kill yourself? Dean I have never heard something so stupid come out of your mouth.'
'noo I'm being serious
char-lieeee! I will kill myself...I've almost done it beforeeee!'
'what do you mean you've almost done it before? Dean? talk to me, please.'
'what do youuu think I mean. I mean I almost ganked myselfff.'
'why? Dean? why?'
'becauseeee I wash sad. I didn't want to live anymore.'
'oh Dean...you don't...you don't hurt yourself, do you?'
'what do you fucking thinkkk? I'm a mesh charlieeee. of course I fuck-iiiing doo.'
'oh Dean...please don't do that. please don't hurt yourself...I have to tell sam. we can help you.'
'if you fucking tell sam I'll kill youuu. no, I'll never Eveeer talk to you again. ever. I swear I will. sam doesn't neeeed my shit problems to deal with!'

~sams POV~

*present day*

walking through the bunker to the kitchen, sam ran his hand through his hair, lost in deep thought.

how am I going to fix Dean, while simultaneously getting him to get it on with cas?
ew, gross. why am I trying to make my brother have gay sex?
EW. BRAIN. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

'Sammy? you okay?'
'dean?!'

sam practically squeaked deans name, his face turning bright red. oh god, he was so not ready to talk to his brother.

'sammy? what's up?'
'nothing. nothing's wrong. can we talk? not here. in my room. come on.'

sam practically held deans hand and led him to his room, where he proceeded to lock the door, and pushed dean over to the furthest corner.

'not to put a downer on the mood sam but I feel like your either going to kill me or do something really gross that I don't want to think about to me.'
'dean. shut the fuck up, okay? listen to me. cas loves you. you love cas. I am fucking sick of seeing you both wandering round avoiding each other. okay? it's fucking stupid. Charlie agrees with me. you and cas need to sort things out between you, okay? I don't know what you discussed the other day, after we saved you from Morpheus. oh...I also need to ask you about something else as well. but first, promise me that you'll talk to cas.'
'dude. I'll talk to cas okay? calm the fuck down. I just don't know what to think. I'm fucking straight! I swear...I am. oh god, if dad was here now...'
'that's the thing Dean. dads not here, so you don't need to pretend you're something that you're not. I know for a fact that you're at least bisexual, otherwise you wouldn't always stare into cas' eyes, and at his ass! oh yeah, I freaking noticed!'
'I'm not scared of dad, sam.'
'no, not now you aren't. but you were. Dean, when we rescued you from Morpheus dream spell, we saw your dreams. we saw what dad did to you...Dean, how long was it happening for? how long was he hurting you?'

sam looked at Dean and saw the blood drain from his face. he was white as a sheet and he looked about five seconds away from passing out.

'dean? buddy? are you okay? dude, I just want to know...I just want to help.'
'I DONT NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP SAM! I don't need your help...'

sam grabbed his now sobbing brother and pulled him in for a hug, wrapping his long arms around dean.

'how long dean? how many times did he hurt you?'
'I don't know sammy. when we were younger, a lot. but he stopped doing it as often when I got older. he tried to hit you, while you were asleep. I stopped him. I fought him. I think I scared him, because he never did it again after that. I was 15. you were only 11 Sammy.'
'dean, why didn't you tell me? we could have left him...we could have gone to bobby's. you didn't need to suffer in silence Dean.'
'it doesn't matter anymore Sammy. it was messed up, but it doesn't matter anymore.'
'did dad know that you were bisexual?'

Dean shot sam a glance, but didn't deny being bisexual.

oh. well we're getting somewhere now...finally.

'do you think he knew? he would've killed me sam...I just didn't understand it. he was a good dad, he tried his best. at times he could be the nicest man on earth. but some stuff just set him off...if I'd have ever told him...about that...he'd have kicked off big time sam.'
'okay, okay I get it. thankyou for being honest Dean. seriously though, I'm your brother. I'm here for you when you need to talk, you know that right?'
'yeah. thanks Sammy...'
'but I mean it when I say you need to talk to cas as well. sort things out...you never know. something really good might happen.'
'okay sammy, I'll talk to cas. I promise I will. just give me a few days...I need to think about everything.'
'okay dean. don't do anything stupid. I'll be in here, or somewhere in the bunker if you need to talk. same with Charlie and cas...we're all here for you.'

Dean gave sam a grim smile and a quick hug, before walking out of Sam's room, and back to his own, where he made himself a cocoon out of blankets and promptly fell asleep.

sam smiled sadly to himself.

Dean was taking this whole situation better than expected...aside from the whole self harming issue...
it was going to be okay.