into the light - destiel

chapter nine

~cas POV~

why does the majority of the pie shops in the USA claim to have the best cherry pie?
they can't simply all have the best...and I can't taste them all. I will have to settle for the best looking cherry pie...I hope Dean doesn't mind.

cas zapped back to the bunker with a flutter of wings, arms laden with a couple of different flavour pies, the cherry on top.
he knew Dean never liked to admit it, but cherry was his favourite. Dean liked to pretend he favoured no pie, and pretended that he believed in pie-equality.

but cas knew.
cherry was deans favourite.

' cas? that you?'
'hello sam. I have pie.'
'I can see that, cas. how come you took so long?'
'I was searching for the best cherry pie in the US, but there were multiple pie shops claiming that they owned the best cherry pie. so as you can see, I had to make a decision based off looks alone.'
'well I'm sure dean will love it.'
'thank you sam. I hope so.'
'so, do you think we could have, um, a talk?'
'of course sam. what do you want to speak to me about?'
'come on, not here. well go sit in the library.'

cas tilted his head a puzzled look having crossed his face. he quickly put the pies down on the side, carefully making sure none of them were damaged. sam stood up, and quickly walked to the library, cas almost having to jog to keep up with him.

when they got into the library, sam locked the door, and dragged two chairs to the farthest corner of the library. sam sat down, and motioned for cas to sit in the chair opposite him.

'sam? why are we here?'
'cas I have to talk to you. I need you to listen to me, and answer me as honestly as you can.'
'of course, sam.'
'okay, here goes.'

sam shuffled to a comfier position in his chair, and ran a hand though his thick brown hair. sighing, he looked at cas again, and then ran his hand through his hair for a second time.

'basically cas, it's about Dean...and you. I know you like...I know you love him. and I know Dean feels something for you as well. but, there is an appropriate way to do things, and I need to tell you what to do.'
'oh. um...of course sam. I appreciate the help...'
'okay. good. well, for one, Dean is never going to admit he's gay. or bisexual. ever. don't get offended by it...it's just that our dad, when we were young...look, Dean was moulded into the perfect soldier by our dad, and he didn't leave any space for open mindedness.'
'Sam, Dean is one of the most open minded people I have ever had the good fortune to meet.'
'yeah cas, but not about sexuality. like, I'm pretty sure he's been in love with you for years. but he wouldn't do anything about it, because you're in a male vessel. if you were in a female vessel, you and Dean would probably have like a child by now.'
'that's disgusting sam, nephilims are a disgrace to creation. but I understand you. are you saying that if I wish for Dean to feel the same way, I should need to find a female vessel? I will do it sam. I have grown fond of jimmy's vessel but I will do it.'
'no cas! don't change. we like you like this...you like you like this! all I'm saying is that it might take Dean a little while to come to terms with the fact that your a guy. well, your body is anyway.'
'oh. of course. well, what should I do?'
'just be you cas. but don't do anything to hurt Dean, please. he won't bounce back from it. I knew he loved you from the beginning, but I could really obviously tell when you betrayed us. he never once believed that you would do something like that, he refused to believe it. and when he realised that you did...he wasn't himself cas. it was like a part of him died.'
'oh. oh dear. I never knew...he was so badly affected by my mistakes. sam, I promise you, I will do everything I can to keep your brother from feeling that way again. I will not betray Dean Winchester again.'
'good. I think we've covered everything? go talk to him.'
'thank you sam.'
'anytime cas.'

cas stood up and wandered out the bunker, fumbling with the Lock on the door.

talk to dean.
that's what sam had said.
so why am I so scared?
I don't understand human emotions.

cas walked along the hallways of the bunker slowly, his feet lightly tapping with every step forward he took.

he ran his fingers along the wall, familiarising himself with everything about the bunker.

he came to the door that belonged to deans room, and stood outside it for a few seconds. shaking himself, he knocked four times on the door.

a couple of seconds later, there was a gruff reply from inside the room.

'Sammy? have you found a hunt?'
'Dean it's me.'
'cas? oh um, come in?'

cas opened the door and walked through, neglecting to use his grace for flight, in case he surprised Dean.

Dean was stood in front of his bed, dressed rather messily. his jeans were old and faded, and his shirt was on backwards. he had a flannel shirt on over the top, the sleeves pulled right down.

cas squinted at the sleeves, and then looked at Dean.

'dean? are you okay?'
'yeah. me? I'm fine. are you?'

cas took a step forward, and Dean took a step back, his hands clenching into fists.

'dean, what's wrong?'
'nothin '. nothing's wrong cas.'
'Dean don't lie to me. I can almost smell the fear on you.'

cas took a couple more steps forward, and closed the distance between himself and the hunter.

reaching forward, he grabbed hold of one of the hunters sleeve-wrapped arms, and looked him straight in the eye.

'dean. don't lie to me.'
'I'm not lying cas.'

cas looked down at the flimsy shirt, and saw what he had known from the moment he walked in the room.

dark blood stains, blossoming through the thin material.

cas reached out for deans other hand, and slowly opened his fist.

'dean, why?'

Dean didn't answer, so cas took the tiny blade from deans hand and atomised it between his fingers.

he then placed a hand on deans face.

'stop it Dean. please.'

Dean just stared at cas as the Angel healed him, all the pain and fresh scars removed from his arm.

the Angel turned around slowly, and began to leave the room.

'cas?'
'yes Dean?'
'I'm sorry.'
'I know.'

the Angel walked out of the room, his eyes glazed over and itching.

When he shut the door, he heard the faint sound of a sob coming from the elder Winchesters room, and then he couldn't hold it back anymore. his own eyes began to pool with tears, shining brighter and bluer than ever.

he wiped his cheek as the first tear ran down it, and sucked in a deep breath.

how could you be so human?
you are an angel of the Lord. a warrior.

castiel shook his head sadly, and wiped more tears from his face.

you are in love with Dean Winchester.

Angels aren't supposed to feel. we aren't supposed to love, or hurt.
we aren't supposed to suffer from human emotion.
but you do.
because you love Dean winchester.

cas wiped the last remaining tear from
his face, and walked away from deans doorway, to go and find Charlie.

he needed some advice.