CHAPTER NINE

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Let me tell you, it was weird walking out of my room, in my clothes. The physical aspects of mortality were finally catching up with me, and I found that I had grown a little taller, my hair was longer and I was more slender.
But all together, I was happier with my body, much happier than I had been in a long time.
Tip-toeing into the kitchen, I sighed happily when no one was in sight.
I commanded Jarvis to secure the doors, and set to work.
Pancakes, bacon, French toast, banana and maple syrup decorated the table when I finally announced I was finished.
"Jar, call them all in. I'm back, baby!" I yelled, jumping into the air with my fist up.
It was a stupid gesture, but I didn't care. I was home, and happy to be.
I hauled the stack of plates onto the table and sat down, eagerly awaited their surprised faces.
Oh, and was it worth it. Their shouts of surprise almost made me deaf, and their hugs almost suffocated me, but it was okay. It was good.
I was back.
"Okay, before we all die of starvation, let's eat!" I said, grabbing a plate and helped myself.

~

Oh it felt so good to finally be in the training room again, kicking and punching whatever obstacle got in my way.
Sweat was dripping down the sides of my face, and making my back all sticky, but it felt good.
"Well, it's good to see that you're still in shape," Natasha said, watching me from the doorway.
We hadn't really talked since I came back, and it was only a matter of time before it happened.
I laughed, "yeah, but it does help when your immortal, you know - or don't know . . ." I filtered out myself sentence, realizing she didn't know what it was like.
"How does it feel?" she asked, stepping into the room and walking towards me.
The atmosphere was both comfortable and awkward at the same time - a mixture of both.
"It feels different. Now, I can feel every muscle in my body as I move, and I feel so much stronger and more capable. It also affected my brain. My memory is excellent now, and I just keep absorbing knowledge, like my brain is completely empty. But it feels so good, different, but good."
She nodded, even though she didn't know what it was like. "Is it hard, knowing you will live longer than everyone else?"
I stared at her. "I hadn't thought of that; oh, Nat!" I cried, running into her outstretched arms.
Natasha, my best friend, was going to die some day, and I'll just keep living, without her.
"You'll have Loki and Thor though, and all the other Asgardians," she said, trying to make me feel better, but the tears were still streaming down my face.
"You know that they could never replace you!" I felt so lost, not for the first time in my life.
She chuckled humorlessly, "I know, but you may just have to find someone who will."
The tears kept coming, and they wouldn't stop. Lifetimes without Natasha flashed through my mind and the tears turned to wracking sobs that completely destroyed my body from the inside.
"Let me take her," a voice said, followed by an arm slowly pulling me away from Nat.
It was Loki, surprisingly. I almost leaped into his arms, his lean limbs wrapping themselves around me.
I heard Natasha slip out of the room, and I cried heavily into his chest.
"It's hard, I know. I've had many mortal friends, and it is never easy, but Natasha is right. You will just have to find a friend that is immortal, just like you. For now though, it would be wise to spend your remaining time with those here, on Midguard. Time passes very quickly when you have so much to spare," he said, his chest rumbling with every word.
His words comforted me, and love swelled within my heart.
My sobs didn't die down for a few minutes, but I was trying to stop crying.
He just stood there, hugging me. His smell, his steady breathing were a great comfort, and I slowly settled down.
"I'm sorry," was the first thing I said.
Loki just smiled, and ran his hand along the side of my face, "don't be, I had the exact same reaction when I realized."
"You did?" I asked, searching his blue eyes. How badly did he hurt when he lost his friend?
He swallowed, and lowered his hand to my neck. "Yes, I did. It pained me so greatly, I became bitter, and well, that's how it all started."
"How what all started?"
Loki looked like he believed I was just teasing him.
"I'm not kidding, how what all started?"

~

I ran out of the training room, my blood pumping and the adrenaline sprinting through my veins.
The Avengers had told me of Loki's attempt to rule earth, and how corrupt he was, but they never gave me specific details. He killed so many people. They never told me that!
I was in love with a killer, a mass-murdrer.
Suddenly I felt sick and I rushed to the nearest bathroom, which was thankfully unoccupied and only just down the hall.
Leaning against the cool, white wall, I gathered my wits and stood up. I had to face Loki, and tell him of my decision.
I quickly found him and commanded him to sit down.
Running my fingers over the necklace I had received from Mother Frigga, my resolve started to crumble. He looked scared, and I felt myself saying no to my decision.
But, I knew I had to do this.
"Loki, I don't know why you didn't tell me. I'm not angry at you for not telling me, for there must be a reason, I just wish you had. I don't think you should visit for a little while. I can't look at you without thinking of how many people's lives had ended because of you. I'm sorry, I truly am, but I feel that this is for the better. I still love you, but for now, I can't stand you, if that makes sense."
He didn't respond for a whole minute, I know because I was counting.
"I - I love you too," was all he said before he left the room, his eyes glazed over.
Had I done the right thing? I glanced towards the door. Should I call him back?

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