Purely Arrogant | ✓

Obliteration

I closed my eyes "This is like last time. When you figured out that Miss Edmund was previously married" I answered

"Yeah" he nodded "My brain puts things together quickly."

"If you knew, then why are you still around me?" I asked, another tear slipping down my cheek.

He raised his hand and wiped it away with his thumb "Because that doesn't matter to me"

I shook my head "It should" I replied "Why would you hang around with a girl who doesn't have her life together, despite being almost eighteen?"

He stared into my eyes "You don't get it, do you?" He asked me "You have your life together more than anybody I know. You know what you want, you know what's right and wrong, you know what's kind and what's not" he concluded.

I put my hands in my face one again "That isn't what counts. My life's a mess. I'm a mess"

"You are not a mess Juliette" He reminded me, his hands grabbing my wrists softly and making me look up. "You are far from a mess"

"What have you figured out about me?" I questioned

He bit his lip "I know that you have claustrophobia, I know you have post traumatic stress disorder. I also know that you get panic attacks as a consequence for both. But you don't have depression. I don't know if you used to have it, but you don't have it right now".

I looked into his deep blue eyes, and for the first time I was able to process that he was just in his shirt whilst I was wearing his blazer. "I was diagnosed with depression. I never accepted that I had it. I used to think that depression would be a step in the right direction" I whispered. "They make me take depression medicine anyway, they tell me I'm clinically diagnosed with it. I wish I was"

"Why would you tell yourself that?" He asked.

"Because I never felt anything. I didn't use to feel anything and I hated it" I answered, crying.

"I've spent ages, trying to figure out why. I couldn't. Why?" He asked, his voice light, soft.

"I was fourteen. We were going to watch a movie, it wasn't something that I was too fond of but I went anyway, it was something that my dad enjoyed. It was a rainy day, and we took the way with no traffic. I don't remember much, mostly just flashing images, all that I can remember in clear detail was that somebody was stood in front of the car, of course my dad swerved to avoid the person, but it flipped around, it was upside down for ages. I was at the back. I was the only conscious one" I started my words getting caught in my throat.

"You don't have to tell me anymore" He said.

"You deserve to know" I replied "I didn't get to tell you about my conditions. I wanted to tell you about this before somebody else did"

He nodded.

"I think the person my dad swerved to avoid called the ambulance. I was stuck there for ages, I felt like I couldn't breath. The doctors think that's when I developed the claustrophobia. I was pulled out through the window. It was hard to undo the set belt" I paused "I haven't told anyone this before but" I started before getting interrupted.

"Juliette you don't have to" Levi stated

"I need to" I replied