Purely Arrogant | ✓

Chapter 1: Eradication

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on." -Robert Frost

Three years later...

Falling asleep after the nightmare was much harder than expected. I didn't expect it to be easy, it hadn't been for the past few years, but even the thought of drifting off seemed close to impossible, not to mention terrifying. Tossing and turning not only seemed futile, but was getting exhausting. I sat up, my chest heaving up and down as my body rid itself of the panic attack that had engulfed me not too long ago.

Nobody was aware of these panic attacks, it seemed useless to inform people about them. I would probably have had to visit the doctors more than I already did, it would probably make my aunt worry more than she already did and it would make people pity me more than they already did.

I hated being vulnerable.

All my conditions seemed to almost pile on top of each other. Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, claustrophobia, nightmares and now panic attacks.

I didn't seem to be able to get a break.

My doctor said it wasn't a common case, to have all these conditions in one tiny body, but that I was doing better than he expected me to be doing.

He didn't know that I was a pretty good actress.

As a doctor, it was almost his duty to see past my I'm fine's, but he didn't. I didn't know whether I wanted him to know that I was breaking on the inside. I didn't think I did.

My cousin Eliza, who was also my best friend, seemed to see through them though. She seemed to know the difference between my fake smiles and real smiles. She seemed to know when I was breaking, and when I was not.

I was finally able to fall asleep at around 5 in the morning, being able to watch the sun come up at 4:37, being reminded that the sun was only the definite thing in my life. I wasn't too sure exactly when I knocked out but I knew that I would barely get any sleep. My alarm went off at 7am, causing my eyes to snap open. I would've loved to stay home and mourn like I did during my entire summer holiday, but it was September 3. Meaning first day of school.

Just thinking about school gave me anxiety. I used to love school, I loved being able to engage with so many different people, and going to all my favourite classes, but recently I'd be dreading the return. I knew that not many people had known about my problems. Mostly teachers, Eliza and Jordan. I didn't want people to know.

I didn't want people to walk around me like I was fine china.

Like I was fragile.

Easily shattered.

Deciding that I only had half an hour to get dressed, I rolled out of the bed. I strolled to the mini bathroom attached to my bedroom and showered for about 10 minutes, that being my quickest shower ever, before I hopped out in nothing but a towel.

Checking the clock I realised I had 10 minutes to get ready, after spending ages thinking about what I should wear, causing me to start rushing. I threw open my closet doors and picked out a black long sleeved v-neck top. I paired it with black high wasted jeans and and black high tops. Over the past few years black was the only colour that I was accustomed to. I straightened by long black hair before placing it into a high pony tail. I ran downstairs and grabbed an apple, sitting near my aunt who was making breakfast.

"Hey sweetheart, don't you want pancakes?" She asked from the stove

"I'm good" I forced a smile "Just waiting for Eliza to come down, what time did she come back last night?"