mad hatter // r.s.l.

9 : on my own

I dropped my pen as my phone vibrated in my pocket. Rebecca looked up at me, then nodded to the door. I excused myself out, leaning against the wall. "Hello?"

"Hey man! You left the game early! What happened?" Ryland yelled from the other end.

"Nice of you to notice, three weeks later." I said.

He released a dry, awkward chuckle, then sighed. "I noticed on the day, of course. You just seemed as if you were having a good day."

"Was. Until Mom reminded me of the weed ordeal."

"I'm sure she didn't mean it-"

"Why do you take that crap?! Of course she meant it! She literally said 'that could've been you'! And, I love you and support you but, being around that is something I can't deal with." I raised my voice slightly. "I'm already the outcast of the family, and she makes it even more obvious that I am."

"You never listen to her side. You don't know what happened after you left the house."

"Of course I do; Rydel got married to Ellington, Rocky and Riker became producers and music teachers and you're the star player of your football team. What am I? Oh yeah, the one in science."

"Maybe it's a good thing you left the game, Ross. It really is." there was a change in his voice, as if he suddenly became enraged. "Maybe next time you should just leave for good, it seems as if that's the only thing you learnt with Dad."

I froze completely, forgetting where I was or even who I was. He struck a nerve, one I never thought would strike back to hurt me. I could almost feel the initial pain from the day when I read the note left on the table by our Father.

He was comparing me to the man who abandoned our family for another woman. And that sickened me.

"Ross, I-"

"Shut up."

"Ross-"

"Shut up, Ryland. Actually, just forget about me, and the fact we're brothers, because as far as it concerns me, we no longer are."

Rydel took over the phone. "Ross, Ryland didn't mean that."

"How do you guys feel? You finally got it through my head that I basically am another failure in the family, and I finally realised how you alienated me." I questioned her. "I hope you feel great, because it's a fucking shitty feeling."

I pressed the red button with that. If I had a flip phone, it would be far more dramatic, I thought. However, that didn't alter the fact that my brother managed to hurt me beyond words.

It was a new level of sadness, one you can't quite grasp enough to describe with words. But I kid you not, it feels terrible.

"Damn." I heard a familiar voice, and in the reflection of a glass wall in front of me, I saw Brady, approaching me from behind. "Watch your profanity! But, are you alright?"

"Been better. My family is just annoying me." I ran a hand through my hair and she watched me curiously. "What?"

"You should wear it swept back more often; it looks sophisticated on you." She blushed. "Not that I don't dig the messy look, in fact it's really cute. In a boyish way. In a friendly way, of course."

I chuckled. "I'll take that into account. Now, those takeaway boxes aren't going to eat themselves, are they?"

I pointed a finger at the Chinese takeaway boxes in her hands, licking my lips. Brady laughed. "I thought I would invite you for lunch, but if you're working it's fine."

"It's lunch time anyway. Let's go to the beach and eat there?"

She nodded, grinning.

+++

"How's the lab?"

"It's good. Everybody is super nice there and we always have a laugh, plus, they are intelligent people" I smiled, passing her chopsticks. "How's your art school?"

"God, it's brilliant. Yesterday I spent the day working with the kids and we all had a paint fight at the end, I love it." There was a brief sparkle in her eyes as she spoke of art. "I need to take you up there, so we can have a paint date like last week."

"I'd love that." I nodded, smiling at her. She was smiling back, until she doubled over, knees against her chest and she groaned. "Are you alright?"

"One second-" she continued to groan and hyperventilate for another two minutes, until she placed the food down and laid down, one hand on her lower abdomen area. "Fuck."

"What's going on?"

"I've been having these really sharp pains here and they strike really often now, but I haven't got time to go to the doctors."

"Well, make sure you go okay? I don't want my new friend getting sick." She chuckled at my comment, then laced her arms around my left one.

"Can I accidentally push Edward off a bridge and marry you instead?"

I laughed. Working on that. "It would be a pleasure."

It was her turn to laugh. "You're great."