Playing For Keeps (Book 2 & 3)

2. Chapter 10.

"Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn't think you wanted."

Alex blinked as if reviving himself out of the trance-like state that he's in. He's been standing in front of this rusty, white gate for almost an hour already under the scorching heat of the Wednesday sun. He needed something to warm him up. All this apprehension of being here today is giving him the chills. The more he stared at the gate, the more he scratched the tips of his fingers as he tried to steady his breathing.

"Arrghh!" he scowled, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Convincing himself that this was such a bad idea, he turned around and headed back to his car. As he opened the car door, he paused and glanced back at the rusty gate. Squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. "Damn it! What the hell am I doing?!"

What does he really want? He had no idea because he himself wasn't sure the moment he got here. It took him a few minutes to contemplate on whether he was going to do this or not. And why is he here anyway? He had no clue. All he could remember was getting into his car and driving himself all the way from Antipolo to Guadalupe despite waking up with a bad hangover this morning. He's been pacing back and forth from his car to the gate, something he's been doing for the nth time already since he got here. Like an animal in captivity, he was restless.

True to his word that he'll be shutting himself out of the real world after that Sunday night, Alex has been finding comfort in the company of his cousins these past few days. Seeing the rest of the Lizares' on his dad's birthday made him feel safe. Some were even home from the States, for his dad's 65th birthday. And seeing all his nephews and nieces running over to give him a hug just made him feel the ache, especially when one of his nieces, Harlow, got so attached to him that she never left his side. The what if's kept on flashing constantly in his thoughts. What if... yeah, what if? And then the mixture of anxiety and panic would suddenly freak him out. As the days passed, he kept himself busy as he was drowning himself every single day with a bottle of Jack Daniels and it did him some good for a while. It gave him a temporary black out, but each morning he wakes up sober, he could still remember... Drei and his unborn child.

"Don't go repeating what we did... don't fuck up your kid... or else he'll end up just like you..."

Dan's words were on a repeat in his head and the questions begin to throw themselves at him over and over again. Does he want to create another monster like him? Does he want this child to come out into this world bearing nothing but hate for him? He didn't. He was so sure of it. He couldn't handle the guilt of being blamed for destroying this innocent little person's life.

Alex didn't want to go on living with 'what if's' and even if being in this kid's life wouldn't be easy, at least he tried. He didn't want to regret what he didn't do. Although he was never the type who regret the things that happened in his life, this one in particular was an exception to his rule. This little person was an exception to his rule, just like its mother. Yes, his tough girl baby mama who made it clear to him that Sunday night that she didn't need him.

We don't need you, Alex!

He cringed at the thought and setting those thoughts aside, he found himself stomping back in front of the rusty, white gate. He stood and stared at it again, convincing himself that he was doing this for his child and not for her. Why was he here again? Right, he thought. The baby not the mother.  This isn't about Drei.