I Bear It So They Don't Have To (A Clexa Fanfiction)

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Clarke's POV;

Over the past few weeks Lexa and I have really opened up to each other. Every time I gain a new piece of information about her I get excited to learn more, no matter how small or insignificant it is. I mean just the other day I learned that Lexa despises the winter and it made me feel close to her. It's probably not the information that excites me but the fact that I'm the only one who knows it. She makes me feel special and it's one of the reasons I like her.

I return to our tent on the outskirts of Ton DC after another day of helping the towns healers. I'm exhausted and all I want to do is lie down and let unconsciousness take over my mind.

As I enter through the flaps I see Lexa sitting at the table twirling the tip of her dagger into the wood. She was wearing her black war paint for the first time in a while. I really prefer her without it. It makes her look harsh when without it she looks more... human.

She immediately notices my presence and sets down her dagger on the table.

"Clarke, we need to talk, please sit down." She said gesturing to the seat beside her. Her face bore a serious look and it worried me slightly.

For a minute we sit in silence as I wait for Lexa to come out with what is making her act so commander like and not like the Lexa I have come to know over the past while.

"Clarke, I think you need to return to your people." She says to me looking right at me with her green eyes.

Once her words register in my head I feel sick. I can't return. My people probably hate me. I can't go back. I would have to face Jasper and Bellamy and my mom. I'm not sure if I could take it.

Lexa notices my silence and reaches for my hand but I pull back viciously. Her mask fails and the hurt shows through in her eyes.

"Do you not want me her anymore?" I croak out as a newly formed lump in my throat restricts my voice.

Lexa looks shocked that I would think this and this time quickly grabs my hands so this's time I can't pull away.

"Listen to me Clarke, that is the complete opposite of what I want. I would love to let you stay her with me in Ton DC but i fear that is not what is best for you." She says

"What do you mean what is best for me?" I ask her slightly confused by what she is getting at.

"I think you need to return to your camp so that you lose the guilt from what you have done."

"Lexa there is no way I will ever get over what I did. I shouldn't have done it and-" I say beginning to ramble but Lexa interrupts me.

"I know you will never be completely healed. Stuff like this lives with us forever but I think if you return to your friends and family they can help you even more than I have. You have recovered greatly since you first came to Polis but I still see the pain you bear. I mean you still get nightmares Clarke."

"Not that often though." I say trying to defend myself.

Lexa playfully rolls her eyes at me making me smile.

"You are so stubborn at times Clarke Griffin." She laughs out.

I look down at our hands. She has been holding onto mine this entire time we have been talking.

"Clarke look at me, I love you and that means I need to protect you-"

"Y-you what?" I stutter out.

"I need to protect you." She says looking at me with confusion.

The realisation of what she let slip out suddenly hits her and she looks at me with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have said that I just-"

"Lexa it's okay," I say looking at her. "We just haven't really talked about any of this stuff before.."

"It's okay if you don't say it back I don't want to pressure you into anything." She says finally meeting my eyes.

"Thank you." I say slightly awkward.

I was still confused about my feelings for Lexa. I knew for a fact that I really liked her but was it love? I just wasn't quite sure if I was ready for that again so soon after Finn.

"I will go to Camp Jaha." I say breaking the awkward silence between us. "But I have one condition."

"Name it." Lexa says happy that I agreed to her proposition.

I lean over to her our hands still joined and press my lips against hers.

"You have to come with me." I say after pulling back from the kiss.

"It would be my pleasure." Lexa says a small smile tugging at her lips.