I Bear It So They Don't Have To (A Clexa Fanfiction)

Mistake

Clarke's POV;

I blink slowly as I feel the medication spread all over my body. Sitting on one of the logs around the fire I let out a large sigh of relief. That one tablet has managed to nearly completely erase both my physical and my emotional pain.

Opening my eyes I see Bellamy giving me a suspicious look from where he stands a couple of metres away. I pay no attention to him and instead I look over at Octavia who is sitting opposite me telling a story. I see her lips moving but I can't seem to take in the words that come out of her mouth.

I close my eyes and lean my head back against the tree trunk behind me. I don't notice Bellamy as he takes a seat beside me and begins to study me, still as suspicious as before.

"What's up with you?" I hear Bellamy ask. His voice is quiet but I can still make out what he is saying.

"Nothing." I say not opening my eyes.

"Are you sure?" He asks again not believing my first answer.

I nod in reply not feeling like I have the energy to open my mouth again.

The medication is an escape for me. I need it and I know if Bellamy or anyone else finds out about it they would stop me. Without it I feel caved in and trapped.. I need this relief.

I feel a weight lift of the log and I know Bellamy has moved away. He must know he won't get anymore from me.

Slowly opening my eyes again making sure no one is around me, I get up off the log and walk away from the light of the fire towards the stream only a few minutes away.

While I lazily walk through the trees I look up at the stars, admiring how the dazzle. They seem brighter tonight.. more beautiful.

Once I reach the stream I plonk myself down at the edge and cross my legs. I reach into my pocket and take out the container which holds the tablets. I pour one into my hand and pause for a second while I look down at it.

I shouldn't be taking more than one as they are quite strong but I really feel an urge to have another. Giving in I pop it into my mouth. Once I swallow the small capsule I instantly feel my body become more numb.

I lower myself down so that I am lying against the frozen ground and close my eyes feeling more relaxed than ever.

After lying down for God knows how long I hear a voice come from the trees behind me.

"Clarke, what's going on with you?" I hear it say.

Sitting up I try to decipher who it belongs to but I can't figure it out. My vision is blurry but I can see the outline of the person standing not too far away.

I don't reply as I continue to try figure who it is talking to me. They walk closer and my heart stops as my vision becomes more clear.

It's Lexa.

How is this possible? She shouldn't know who I am and what is she doing out here in the middle of no where?

I quickly stand up frowning in confusion at her presence. She walks even closer making me take a step back.

"Seriously Clarke you are worrying me." She says approaching me. She reaches out her arms and takes hold of my shoulders. While holding me in front of her she inspects me quietly.

The feeling of her touch electrifies my skin causing me to shiver.

"You must be freezing you don't even have your jacket on. What were you thinking?" She asks.

"W-why are you here?" I reply still in shock from her presence.

"I came after you." She states as if it obvious.

There is a small silence as I take in Lexa after such a long time. Not much has changed since I last saw her lying unconscious on the bed in Camp Jaha. She only wearing simple grounder clothing, no armour or war paint, making her look more gentle and less like a fearsome commander.

"Please tell me what's wrong Clarke." She pleads with me.

"I've missed you so much.." I say quietly. I see Lexa's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"You've missed me?" She asks completely at a loss to what I mean.

"Yes." I say taking I step towards her closing the space between us.

I glance down at her lips longingly. I has been so long since we last kissed. I need to feel her lips against mine again.

I see her glance down at my lips as well but she quickly looks back up to my eyes. I slowly lean my head forward and press my lips to hers.

It takes a second but she finally begins to kiss back, however the moment she does it feels wrong. This isn't how she used to kiss me back in her tent in Polis or in my room in Camp Jaha, it's completely different.

I take a step away confused and I'm shocked by what I see in front of me. Where Lexa had been only a few seconds ago there now stands some one just as dumbfounded as I am.

"Bellamy?" I ask shocked.

~~~

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