Open When...(Paul Walker Fanfiction)

Letter #7: Open When...You Need To Smile

Luckily, some of the gifts I had planned on buying for different people are in the same store, so it makes the trip go buy that much quicker. Anything that will save me time is the best thing. Maybe if I save enough time, I can swing by the hospital real fast. However, these lines are taking up more time than I thought they would, so there goes that plan. 

A couple of hours later, I walk out of Macy's feeling accomplished. Now, all I have to do is get home and wrap these presents before I go pick Meadow up from the airport. One look at my phone tells me that I still have three hours before her plane lands. That should be plenty of time, but only if I leave right now. I start toward the end of the mall where I came in at. It seems as if there are more people here than when I first came in. Among those people are a lot of couples doing their last minute Christmas shopping. Everywhere I look, there's a couple. It's like it shoves a knife in my chest, reminding me that my other half isn't here to be with me.

The tears come into my eyes before I can stop them, and they fall quickly. I rush into a bathroom that is close by to attempt to calm down. But, once I'm safe from everyone's eyes, that's when I let it all out. To another person, I may look pathetic sitting here in a mall bathroom crying my eyes out, but I just don't really care right now. Actually, it's hard to care about much of anything. The darkness of my depression has been causing more wounds than I care to admit.

People always say that you should make the most of your time with loved ones, because you'll never know when they'll be taken away. I wish that I listened to that before Paul had his accident. Maybe he will wake up, or maybe he won't. If he doesn't, I'll have to live with the last words I said to him for the rest of my life. That's not something I would like to do. Every single day I think about what I said to him and our fight. It was so cruel and malicious, but I didn't mean a word of it. My heart beats for him and if we were to separate, it would be too much for me to handle.

I've grown so used to having him around, that the time he has been in a coma is so unbelievably hard to get through. When I wake up, I expect him to be lying next to me in bed with that breathtaking smile on his face. Those blue eyes can calm me down more than anything, but I haven't gotten to see them in so long. The thought of them just isn't enough for me. I want him right here, right now.

It's hard to ignore the stares of women and children passing by me. I know that I look terrible. There's no way that I can go back out there until I calm down and cheer up a little bit, because I don't know who is waiting out there with a camera. My eyes travel down to my purse. Did I remember to grab the box of letters this morning? I look inside of my purse, and sure enough, the box is there. Thank God for that, or else I don't know how I would've stopped my tears.

Open When...

You Need to Smile

As you know, one of my favorite things about you is your smile. Every time you smile, the world doesn't seem as dark anymore and everything is okay. You also know that I'd do anything to make you smile, and that's exactly why I'm writing this specific letter. Baby, I guarantee you that no matter what the circumstances are for you reading this, I will have you smiling by the end of this letter.

You are the woman of my dreams and the love of my life. You've given me everything I could possibly want and more. Before you, I would go anywhere in the world, but I'd have no one to share it with. I didn't have that someone special to make memories with that would last a lifetime. But with you, it doesn't matter where we are; we are always making memories and each day is something special.

Your love makes me look for to each exciting new day, no matter if that means just laying in bed. We could be doing the smallest thing but I still love spending time with you. When we are apart, you are always on my mind. I go to sleep thinking of you and I wake thinking of you. Your love has consumed me, but I never want that feeling to stop. I just hope you know that I'm so deeply in love with you, and that's never going anywhere. Sometimes I feel like I'm a lovesick puppy. Go ahead, you can laugh, but it's true. I'm crazy about you, ever since I first laid eyes on you almost six years ago.