CHAPTERS

Chapter 1

I ran towards my room trying to get away. I'm too slow like every single other time. He grabs onto me before pushing me against the wall. "Stupid brat this will teach you to run away from me." He drops me on the floor before taking his belt off and taking my shirt off. Once its removed he slashes the piece of leather against my skin harder than ever. 1. 15. 20. 25. Finally stopping when he hits 30. My back is bloodied I can feel the blood falling off but I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything at all as he leaves and rushes out the front door with a suitcase in hand leaving me to die.

I wake up screaming like I have for the last 3 years. This dream isn't a dream this was my reality that was the last time I ever saw my father. The last time I was slashed. I was 17 it was three days till my birthday and I was left for 4 hours bleeding until someone at school noticed and came running. It was the last time I spent in that house. It was three years ago and I'm now 21. I live by myself in Chicago.

I've lived here since I was 18 finishing up my highschool year before coming here. I spent the last few months with a friend since I had no relatives we weren't really close but, once his parents found out they had to let me stay and it took my whole hospital stay to get them to convince me to stay with them. I didn't want to stay with Tyler and his family I wanted to get away and start somewhere else somewhere new but, I had no money and Tyler was loaded so they offered to support me wherever I went. So now I live in Chicago with Tyler but, he doesn't exactly live with me he lives right next to me in the same building with his boyfriend Dan.

His parents don't really care that he's gay as long as they stay near me and keep me relatively safe. I wish I didn't have to live off their money but, all I could afford right now was maybe a box of ramen noodles. So I let them pay for rent and food but, I buy my own clothes and I keep working at the restaurant that makes me wear short clothing in return for bigger tips.

Tyler's parents try to tell me that I don't need to work that they are more than happy to support me but, I don't want to rely on someone for the rest of my life I want to be independent and do my own thing. Right now I live in a small studio apartment that is basically one big room with a kitchen, a bed on a high pedistol and a living room with a small TV.

I get up from my bed as I hear the knocking on my door. Its definitely Tyler or Dan checking to make sure I'm ok. The bad thing about this place is the thin walls. I open the door wearing my short shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt that I fell asleep in. Tyler comes rushing in hugging me and I hug him back wanting the comfort he gives even in just boxers.

"What was it tonight?" He asks me pulling back and holding me at arms length. I sigh pulling away, "The last night." Tyler is studying to be like his mom a therapist which really doesn't help when he's trying to sych me up and diagnose my problems. "Beth I think-" I shake my head already knowing what he's going to say. "No I'm not going to and I'm kicking you out now so go. I'm ganna get a cup of coffee and go for a run. Out." I say pointing towards the door that's still open.

"Okay fine but call mom and dad and talk to them there getting kinda worried they might come up here so call them." I nod and he leaves. As soon as he's gone I slump against the door falling to the floor with my knees against my chest. I try to act strong I try to be a better person but, I'm broken and being broken isn't how I want people to see me I don't want their sympathy.

I hate people who give anyone their pity so I put on my mask and hold my tears until I'm alone. Once the door closes and I'm on the floor all my tears flow and I know I need to do something. I need something to do to stay busy to not let the bad stuff in and keep my mind off the shit that always happens to me.

My life sucked my mother died giving birth to me. My father hit me every chance he could get and when I tried to make shit right people always turned away. I kept going though never bringing a knife to my skin never having the balls to do anything. I became a loner and I became someone bitter and angry at the world. I thought that because someone didn't like me that the world didn't I figured that I pulled the short straw. I'm messed up and I don't think anyone can fix me.