Catching Feelings

Untitled Part 25

          A few days after the race and the announcement of my future niece or nephew, things were getting better with Tyler and his situation. The doctors told him at his last check up and chemo round that the chances of him beating this was getting higher each week; which got Tyler super excited about his big rodeo that was quickly approaching. Lexi keeps me informed about how he does at home and at work. The last new weeks I have been in and out of work due to some illnesses of my own; yup, the cold hit me hard this fall and it was not giving me any mercy at all this year.

          "Can we please go to the party!" Anna shouts at me as I take a seat in the grass in the front yard next to Tyler. Amber and Captain were laying beside us, just relaxing as well. Here Anna was, walking into the house about ten minutes ago trying to get me to go to another party.

          "You can go to the party," I say making Tyler laugh at the face Anna made as soon as the words left my mouth.

          "Are you serious? Brook pleaseeeeeeeeee," she says in a begging tone.

          "I think it would be fun, I am in," Tyler says looking at me. I glare at him, because he knew I would go if he went.

          "Fine," I say as Anna lets out a victory cry and hugs both of us before walking back to her car.

         "Pick you guys up at 9," she shouts out her car window as she drives away. I turn and look at Tyler and he shrugs.

          "Are you crazy?" I ask him as we lay back on the grass.

          "Quite possibly yes... Come on Brook, you never go out and just have fun. You've been trying to keep up with work, and me and you just need to relax and have a good time. Besides, one party won't hurt. I will be there anyways, so you will have fun," he says making me look at him with a smile. How did I get so lucky to have such a sweet boy in my life.

          "I have bad luck at parties," I say remembering the last two I have been too in the past several months. 

          "Like I said, I will be there," he said pulling me to his side and kissing the top of my head. I could fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat every night; its peaceful rhythm. Every time I am this close to him, something in me warms up. Maybe it was the fact that I actually did love this boy with my whole life, or the fact that he made me so nervous that it actually scared me. I know that I should feel comfortable with him and safe, but I can't help but feel terrified when he is around me; and not for the reasons you would think.

          I was scared that somehow, he would realize that I really wasn't worth it; that he could do ten times better than me. I play in my mind, him just looking at me some day and not know why he ever dated me or took the time and effort to get to know me. That was the thing, he didn't know me that well. He knew about some things, but he doesn't know what I struggle with every day; aside from the Kellen thing, I suffer with self-esteem issues. I've been caught hurting myself before by my brother. What if he notices the scars and asks me about it; sure I haven't done it in over three years, but still. I was scared that he would fall in love with someone else; someone who looked better and was funny or smart. I was scared that.....

          "I'm going to leave to get ready for the party, we have two hours and I need to shower. I'll be back at 8:50," Tyler says standing over me. I must have been so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't even notice. I smiled as he held his hands out and pulled me to my feet. The two dogs quickly came to my side and sat down as they always did when Tyler and I hugged goodbye. 

          "I'll be waiting," I say as he walks away. I walk back into the house with the same doubts racing through my mind. There was just to many things I was scared of in this relationship to list off, and it would be a never ending list. There was no off switch to the endless worries.

          Tyler kept his promise on being at my house by 8:50 on the dot, and Anna kept her promise on being there at 9 sharp. Now we were headed out to the party, which seemed to be in the middle of the city, and it wasn't just any party; it was Alyssa Hoppe's party. She was the slut of the town and everyone knew that. Somehow Anna got invited tho and she could bring who ever she wanted, so here we were; walking into the party that had more people then there were in this town together.

          "Let's get some drinks," Anna says as she pulls Tyler and me along with her. Right away I see a ton of people from our old high school, people I thought I would never see back in town because they swore they would make it big somewhere.

          "This place has way to many people," Tyler says about an hour into the party. He wasn't drinking because it wasn't good to mix that and Chemo together according to the doctor. Anna was wasted and was off dancing with who knows who, and I was just making sure to avoid Alyssa. Of course, we can never just avoid trouble.

          "Well look who we have hear,"  an all to familiar voice says from behind us. I close my eyes and wonder why life has to do this shit all the time. I knew Tyler was in no mood to deal with this right now, and neither was I......