My Allegiant Life-- A Divergent Fanfiction

Chapter 21 Stella

"How much do you trust that Matthew guy?" Lamar asks me.

We lie together on the bed we share in the dorms. Our foreheads barely touching, his breaths tickle the bridge of my nose. The moment is almost perfect. The flaws would be everything around us, and everything that swirls around in my head when he isn't touching me in the way that isn't trying to keep me from ripping someone's head off.

"I'm not sure," I say. "I don't know if the reason I favor him over the other factionless is his name or something else. But I don't know what else it could be."

"It could be his failure to hesitate to try to kill Faith," he smirks. "There's always that."

I smile. "Her and Adrian could be the cause of all this stress," I say jokingly. In reality, we both know they relieve some of our stress.

"Stella! We need you to figure something out about the iPhone thingie!" Adrian calls.

I sigh. The moment has officially been ruined. Lamar groans and separates himself from me. As I roll onto my back, I see that Adrian is right above me.

"Hello," I say, awkwardly. "Could you, you know, back up?"

"I'm afraid not," he says. "I'm going to have to give you iPhone thingie, then watch you find the music so I can find it later."

"Just give it to me, then!" He does. I click the top button and slide the screen to the right, the music icon is there as soon as the home screen pops up. I touch it and hit play after going the the radio. "There, now go away."

"Thank you, Stelly!"Adrian walks away, slowly turning the music up louder and louder.

"What song is that?" Lamar asks him.

"Uhm,"he says. "It's a really old and boring song. Breath by Breaking Benjamin."

"First, that song is not old, it came out only a few years ago, and you're saying it's boring because you're at the slowest part of the song."

"Hmph, didn't notice,"Adrian sits down on the bed he shares with Faith and sets the iPhone down on the nightstand. Music blasts from the device, I can hear each lyric clearly. Each word sinks in, causing me to think about them, then the song ends. "What If I Was Nothing by All That Remains."

"This song isn't old either," Lamar says. "So don't even say it."

I look over at him. "How do you know these songs?"

"Being in Dauntless," he says. "The songs that came out earlier than two years ago, most of them I listened to with Zach, others were just played because they used to be popular."

What if I was nothing?

What if this is true?

What if I was nothing, girl?

Nothing without you.

I immediately know I like this song. The words stick in my mind for a long time as other songs play. Battery by Metallica, Down With the Sickness by Disturbed, Going Under by Evanescence (which Alice seemed to like), until What I've Done by Linkin Park plays, I hear nothing.

What I've done.

Erase myself.

And wash out what I've become.

I stand and start towards the door. I am not upset, I just need away from these lyrics for a little while, I need to get them out of my head. I can't have anything else stressing me out. As I wrap my hand around the doorknob to leave, Lamar's hand is around mine. I look up at him.