My Allegiant Life-- A Divergent Fanfiction

Chapter 10 Storm

I can barely handle Stella's sobs against me, it feels like something deep in my chest is shattering. Almost as if someone was ripping my heart into several pieces, so slowly as if to savor my pain.

    I don't tell her to stop, because it was my suggestion, and it might help her somehow. Finally letting out her stress and emotions from everything after letting it build up inside her for so long. Why shouldn't it help?

    "And-" She sobs against me. "Alice."

    I hold her closer, squeezing her almost, pressing her against me, clinging to her fiercely, as though my instincts have learned that in times like these, she could just shatter beneath my skin if I don't be careful with her, or if I break contact.

    I dreamt once, while we were at her parents' house back in Candor, that I had to watch as she bled to death and called out for help, I had fought towards her, but I never made any progress, as if something were holding me back, or an invisible wall that couldn't be seen or felt was standing between her and I as she slowly and painfully died. That night I had woken quietly, glad she was still asleep and alive in my arms.

    I understand now why she is so hesitant when she goes to sleep, or explains what happened in the nightmare. Shock. Just pure shock. And devastation. Definitely devastation.

    "Stella," I say. "Are you alright?" She straightens herself, wiping the tears from her eyes with my assistance. She nods. "Are you sure?"

    "I'm fine," she inhales deeply. "I'm fine," she says again, as if reminding herself that the statement is true.

    I take her into my arms again. Remembering the second time we escaped Erudite, having just watched both of her siblings die, I know Stella was devastated. I never broke contact with her for the longest time after that. I knew she had a high possibility of shattering before my eyes if I had just let her run beside me. I knew she needed to be kept in tact. And she needed me to help her hold herself together.

    But now that everything's over, and we're out of the war, she can finally start that process, that she can finally pull herself together. Even with Alice's absence, Stella will be okay, we'll find Alice and she'll be alright. Everything will be fine. It has to be.

    "I'm sorry," she says, her voice is unstable. "I'm breaking." She says, her voice cracks. "I- I-"

    "Stella, stop," I say. "You're okay, you're not breaking." Everything is okay. You're not breaking. I want to say to her, but I can't tell if it would be more of a reassurance to her or me.

"You don't know," she chokes. "You don't get it."

"And what makes you think so?" I make sure that there is no irritation threaded into my voice. "I've felt like this before, you should know that--"

"Stop," she says. "I know what happened. But have you ever felt like you were really about to fall apart?"

"Yes," I say. "Like you wouldn't believe. But you can't be feeling like that--"

"Well, I am," she says. Her voice has regained some stability. She pulls away from me. "They should be back any minute now."

And just like that, Faith, Adrian, Anthony, and Grace walk back into the dormitory.

"What'd you get?" Stella asks them as they sit down on their beds. Anthony glances at Alice's bed and his expression dies.

"We're all GD's," Faith says. "Except one of us." She glares playfully at Adrian.