High School dropout

'Recovery'

I woke up seeing Mia and Zoe holding my hands there crying. I looked down. I was in a hospital bed. "Guys I'm sorry." I said looking at them. "GABBY!!!" OMG PLEASE DONT EVER DO THAT EVER AGAIN. WE THOUGHT WE ACTUALLY LOST YOU YOU ALMOST CUT A VEIN." They said frightened. "I'm sorry. I just don't wanna live. I don't wanna try. I don't wanna breathe. I don't wanna do anything anymore." I said looking dissapointed. "Gabby don't talk like that. We're here for you." "I still feel lonely." I smiled. I looked at my wrist all the cuts were still there I obviously was asleep for a couple of days considering that. Ash and Alex walked in the room and everyone was silent. Tears started to form into my eyes remembering what happened. "I'm so sorry Gabby. I'm so fucking sorry. You're my best friend and I shouldn't care that you're depressed I should've never left you. Its all my fault you're in here. " Ash said looking at my wrist crying. "I'm fine Ash. Its nothing I'm not used too. Everyone I love is gonna leave one day." I said smiling. Mia and Ash hugged after me and them talked. Why I'm I still letting them into my life? The only people I need are Mia and Zoë; no one else. No one else is gonna be there for me when I'm sad. Not Alex. Not Ash. Just Zoë. And mia. That's it.
••••••
Its been a week since I've gotten out of the hospital and things have gradually gotten worse. High school is too much for me to handle. I barely see Mia and Zoë anymore. Not to mention Alex and Ash call me every single day asking me a million questions on how I am. I'm being bombarded with no social life, and my friends being way too worried about me. I wish I never let them see my scars. It would be so much better. They wouldn't have to worry about me as much as they do know. I walked into my 3rd period seeing Ash and Alex looked at each other. I ignored it and sat in my seat. "Ms. Stewart care to explain why you're late?" I looked down trying to think of an excuse. I was crying in a stall Mr. Smith. No. "I was uhm.. I was in the bathroom." I said looking back at the ground. "Okay Ms. Stewart I'll let you off with a warning." He said pointing to me. "Okay class today were going to start working on a project. Ashton you have Gabrielle." He said pointing to Ash then me. I was not excited about this. He ran over to an empty seat next to mine and looked at me. Oh boy I'm gonna need some help for this project

••••
I walked out of the school putting my earbuds in listening to green day when a car pulled up. It was John with some of his friends. "Gabby!" He said waving at me for me to go in his car. "We're having a party tonight! Do you wanna come?" He said smiling. I thought of it for a while. I shouldn't. Screw it I'm going I deserve a good night to get drunk listening to shit bands. "Sure I'll go.." I said staring at his cheerleader friends. "Then come in!" He opened up the door picking my book bag and throwing into the trunk. He put his arm around me driving. The cheerleaders stared at me like I just murdered someone. He pulled up to his house letting me get out with my stuff. I walked into his house seeing a few more cheerleaders and football players looking at me like I was an alien. "She's with me guys calm down. " he said patting my shoulder. I put my stuff down and grabbed a drink sitting on the couch. "So what's your name?" A guy with red hair and blue eyes asked me. "Gabby..." I said taking a swig of my drink. "That's a beautiful name.. But not as beautiful as you are.." He said staring at my eyes. I looked back at john giving me the save me look. "Adam, she's my girlfriend back off." He said staring at him. "I'm sorry I didn't know..he's so lucky.." He said whispering in my ear. I grabbed another cup of beer and chugged it. "So Gabby.. What kind of music do you listen to..?" A cheerleader with a bright smile asked me. "I listen to rock." I said looking down on the ground. "So are you..." Oh my god don't say it.. "Emo?" She said looking dumb asf. "I'm not emo just because I listen to rock and wear black okay?" I said annoyed. I grabbed another cup of beer until I felt someone touch my back. "Hey.." It was John. He pushed me around touching his forehead to mine. "I'm sorry for my dumbass friends.." He said sincerely. "Why don't we just go to my room where we can hang out?" He said holding my hand. "Yeah sure..." I said walking with him upstairs. I walked in his room mesmerized by his records. He had everything. He obviously saw my expression and said "Amazing huh?" I nodded. We both sat on his bed talking for a while until we both went silent. He touched my hair leaning in kissing my lips. "Um..sorry I don't know.." He said nervously. "Its fine. I'm really tired I gotta go..." I said going down stairs grabbing my stuff. He took me to my dad's kissing my cheek. I walked inside seeing no one. I put my phone on shuffle listening to my chemical romance "you only hear the music when your heart begins to break we are the kids from yesterday!" I say singing brushing my hair. I took my makeup off putting my hair into a messy bun and changing into black knickers and black tank top. I looked at my belly. I'm so fucking fat. My hair is as shitty as Courtney love's. My eyes look the most undesirable. I slam my self against the bathroom wall crying till I fell asleep "I'm too tired to be bored I'm too bored to be tired and this silence is so deafening its like picking at a soar." I woke up hearing my alarm. I put on a green day nimrod black sweater on. I put on black ripped jeans on putting mascara and black eyeliner and dark eye shadow on picking up my phone into my pocket. I walked out the door seeing John pull up. "Hey Gabby!" He said smiling. "Hey John!" I said fake smiling hugging him. "Why're you here John? its Saturday don't you have to hang out with your preppy friends and go party and get drunk and get high?" I said looking at him. "Yeah my friends will probably be mad at me for not doing that with them but I wanted to hang out with my punk girlfriend. " he said kissing my cheek. "I'm not your girlfriend. You never asked me..we're just going to prom together. " I said fake smiling at him. "We're still going to prom together so technically you're my girlfriend. " John said smiling. "Okay then John. " I said hugging him again. He picked me up walking towards his convertible putting me into his seat. "Here's the aux cord. I know you don't wanna listen to conformist shit and I know you wanna listen to Green day and My chemical romance and nirvana and panic! At the disco and pierce the veil." He said giving me the aux cord smiling. "How do you know I listen to those bands?" I said asking. "Because I listen to them to and you've worn band shirts with them on it a thousand times. " He said smirking. I smiled putting on party poison by my chemical romance. We drove out of my dads neighborhood driving to a park. "Why did you take me to a park?" I said wondering . "Bc I know you've been depressed you can't hide it from me. I see the way you fake smile. " he said pulling up my sleeves revealing my scars. He kissed my wrist. "Youre beautiful Gabby. Scars dont change anything about you, it shows you how strong you are. " he said hugging me. Goals!
I'm rlly sorry I've been inactive lately..I've been sad and shit but I'm back so yay for that I'll update more