High School dropout

"I'm done trying"

I walked into my high school cafeteria completely done with everything and everyone. No one knows how much I'm breaking inside. I saw Mia sitting next to Ash and Alex smiling and laughing. They looked so much better off without me. In fact everybody did. I have no one to live for. Nothing to live for. No one loves me. I smiled and bit my lip to stop myself from crying in front of them. I walked over to the tables sitting next to Mia. "Hey Gabby. Are you okay now? Please don't do that again." She said holding my arms. Ash and Alex looked at me. It was too much for me handle. Seeing Ash and Alex sit there completely happily looking at me like nothing happened. I ran outside my cafeteria slamming the doors outside. I looked for anybody eating lunch outside. Nope no one. I sank down the wall bursting into tears. I've had too much. I'm done trying. There's nothing here for me. I grabbed my blade from my back pocket and pushed up my sleeve revealing my cuts. "Gabby? Gabby what are you doing!?!" I saw Ash and Mia sitting there looking at me. "I'm saving everyone from me." I said tears streaming down my face. "Please don't Gabby!" Mia screamed with tears out of her eyes she went next to me. I dropped my blade. She hugged me tight with Ash there looking at me. "I don't feel loved enough, there's nothing here for me, there's no one here for me. Why should I live?" I said crying on her shoulder. "I'm there for you." She said, her own eyes becoming glossy with tears. "But I still feel alone. No one was there for me for those nights that I was crying in my bathroom wanting to die." I said crying even harder. "I know I'm not there for you when you need me the most but please stay with me." She said crying on my shoulder. "Gabby what the hell are you doing?" I saw John running near me. He sat next to me kissing my cheek. "Gabby, I thought I told you already I'm here for you I will always help you. " He said grabbing my body and pulling me up. He took me back inside the cafeteria standing near the middle of all the tables. "Hey bastards! You see this?" He said pointing to me and him. I looked down at the ground embarrassed. "This is my fucking girlfriend and I love her. "He said pulling me into a kiss. For once I had felt sparks run through my body. This had been my first kiss. John grabbed onto the bottom of my shirt, pulling me closer in and harder. He pulled away as 'oohs' and 'what the fucks' could be heard. Too embarrassed to cope, I ran over to my classroom grabbing my bookbag. "Gabby! Wait!" John yelled running after me. I tried walking faster to avoid him, but it was no use. He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. "Did you not like it? I'm sorry if I've disappointed you, I'll try-" "Look, John...I'm tired...I really am..I wish everyone would just give up on me already...I'm tired of everyone's bullshit saying they're there for me, I'm tired of being the black sheep, I'm tired of being tired." I say looking him straight in the eyes. "Gabby, don't say something like that! Fucking hell, don't you fucking get it?!" He said shaking my shoulders. "I fucking love you! I've loved you ever since I saw you all alone listening to your rock music, I've loved you ever since we rocked out together in my car, I'VE LOVED YOU AND I WILL NOT STOP LOVING YOU!" He yelled at me. Tears pricked his eyes and he hid his face I my chest. I was dumbfounded...my facial expression shocked as I had just witnessed a part of John I had never seen. I put my hands in his hair and kissed the top of his head. "I-I'm sorry.." I said and I could feel my heart break a little seeing him weep in my chest. "Jesus Gabby...you don't understand..." He says and I start to wipe the tears from his eyes. "I do now." I mumbled and he sniffed. We stood in the doorway of the classroom and I looked at the clock. "Lunch break for the teachers is over in ten minutes. Do you just wanna get outta here? You know like, come back to my house?" I asked. He nodded and smiled. I smiled too and I quickly pecked him on the lips. I blushed as he chuckled and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the back doors of the school. We started walking to my house, hand in hand, laughing and talking about what the future possibly could hold. "Where do you think this relationship is going?" I asked. He looked me in the eyes and smiled. "I think it's gonna go far...we're gonna get married, have kids, get old together...y'know, the cliche love shit. But we'll make it special..like we always do." He said and kissed my cheek. I laughed and he blushed. We walked into my dad's house, dropping off our backpacks at the door and going into my room. I went to the dresser, where I had my radio. "I'm gonna put on some Nirvana, if that's fine with you." I said and John plopped into the bed nodding. I opened up my dresser draw, where I held all my favourites; from The Rolling Stones to Green Day, I pulled out the Nevermind album, which was right where I fancied it. I put it into the radio, and Drain You comes on. I undo my lazy bun as I start to gently headband to the music. John laughs looking at me and I blush. I plop down next to him on the bed and he wraps his arm around me. "Mm, I could really use more time like this." He said and closed his eyes. I smiled and laid on my side looking at him. He opened his eyes and looked to see me looking at him. "You're gorgeous. So very gorgeous." He says and his vision goes to my lips. I smile and he presses his lips into mine softly adding pressure. He climbs over the top of me and continues kissing me. I love it, I had loved the passion he put into it, his and my lips syncing perfectly. He started to kiss into the crook of my neck, leaving a hickey. He then kept moving down, grabbing at the hem of my shirt. I stopped him and he jumped up, sensing if something was wrong. "Are you okay?" He asks and comes back up to my face, his breath lingering on my lips. "Um, I-I'm not...I-I'm not ready." I say and he blinks blandly. He rolls off of the top of me and sighs. "It's fine. I never want to pressure you into anything." He says and kisses my lips once. What was once passion, soon turned into awkwardness. I coughed awkwardly and got up. "Uh..." I mumble and run a hand through my hair. He stands up too. "I'm gonna go. My dad's probably looking for me anyways. I'll see you tomorrow Gabby. I love you." He says and walks out of the room and out the front door. He closes the door shut, and I only mumble 'bye.' I sigh and sit on the edge of my bed, pulling my phone from my back pocket. I had gotten a text from Zoë.

Hey, dude! 😄
I was wondering if you wanna come over tonight. And sleepover of course!

I smiled. Zoë was a happy, punky spirit. She was my best friend. To prove so, she moved to Florida for a year and we still were as close as ever. I quickly texted her back:

Of course. Anyone gonna be there? Or just us two?

I put my phone on the dresser as I had started to pack a bag for the night. That's when, I hear the door open and my dad walks in. "Hey honey." He says and smiles. I smile back. "Hey dad." I say and go to the bathroom to grab my toothbrush. "Where are you packing for?" He asks. "Zoë invited me over. Am I allowed to?" I ask. He goes serious after my statement. "Hmm, I suppose. But don't tell your mum because you know how she feels about so." He says. I frown as I hear 'mum.' Only reason my mum doesn't like Zoë is because of her personality. Mum thinks Zoë's changed me because of how much of a punk Zoë is. Honestly, I feel as if my mum should fuck off sometimes. Zoë's got a great personality, you can ask anyone. She's independent, rebellious, and just honest all out. Sometimes, I wish I was more like her. Zoë tells me I am like her though. I doubt my loyalty to our favourite bands and she tells me that I am a loyal fan. I feel like I owe Zoë a lot. "Thanks dad." I say and zip the bag up. I grab my phone and look to see Zoë responded.

Mm, just Billie Joe, a guy name Krist, and I. Can't wait to see you! ❤️

I smiled and shook my head, turning off my radio and leaving my room. I look to my dad and see him in the living room watching Letterman. "Be safe and be on your best behaviour, alright?" He says. I laugh. "Alright dad. Thanks so much." I say. "I love you." He says as I'm about to open the door to leave. "Love you too." I say and open it, closing it behind me. I begin to walk to Zoë's, putting my headphones in one I get to the street. Big Cheese comes on and I start to vibe off of it. Soon, I found myself at Zoë's front door. I took out my headphones, and knocked on the door. I heard Billie Joe yell something and Zoë laugh. Then stumbling steps to the door. The door suddenly swings open and I step back a little. I see a tall guy with brown hair look at me. "Oh hey. Are you another neighbour coming to complain to us about how loud we are? If so, fuck off." He said. I went pale and pulled on my flannel sleeve. "Um, no...I'm Gabby, Zoë's friend." I say. He blushes embarrassed. "Oh shit, I'm sorry!" He says and I bite my bottom lip. He calls Zoë to the door and she hugs me. "Hey beb." She says and drags me into the house. I see Billie Joe in a striped brown and white shirt, and his green dreads, and nose piercing. He sat on the couch, waiting for Zoë to return back to him. "There's food and beer in the refrigerator and we're just hanging around for now. We might go out tonight." She says and I smile. She quickly goes back to Billie Joe, sitting next to him and whispering in his ear. I sit at the counter and the guy with brown hat sits next to me. "Sorry...for that stupid introduction. I'm Krist by the way." He says and smirks at me. I laugh. "Krist? Hmm, I'm Gabby." I say and he smiles. "Beautiful name, for a beautiful face?" He says, and I smack my teeth. "Let's cut out the bullshittery, yeah?" I say and he chuckles. "Mm, so you're that type of gal? Interesting." He says. I laugh and sit back in my chair sighing. "Tell me, Krist. Why're you sitting next to me?" I ask. He takes a swig of his drink and arches his eyebrows. "What? Can I not sit here?" He says. I squint. "There's literally four chairs here but you chose to sit next to me?" I say and he chuckles. "Mmm, you've gotten me on that..." He says and drinks it hard again. "Well how about I make up for this?" He says. I arch my eyebrow. "Mm, what do you mean?" I ask and he smirks. He grabs my face, kissing me hard and rough. I actually enjoy it a bit more than John's kiss, but then I remember and pull back. "Oh, by the way, Krist...I have a boyfriend." I say. "DAMNIT!" He says and I chuckle.

lol, hi, I'm Rachel's best friend. Wrote the part in this story lol. Also Rachel, #hackedasfuck love yah! and follow me TheIrishIdiots ❤️