Friends With Benefits (s.w.)

Chapter 20

It's been 3 weeks since I've been in contact with anyone. Jack has been texting me apologizing for everything that happened with Jenn and told me he ended things with her. I quickly responded saying it was fine. That's the problem everyone thinks I'm so depressed because of what Jenn did. Which is only half of the reason. Andrea hasn't even bothered to hang out with me probably because she's too obsessed with being in a relationship with Sam now. 

Just as I was thinking about her my phone started ringing.

"Hello" I croaked out. My voice was hoarse from forcing myself to throw up for the past three weeks. My eating disorder is back in full effect. I can't stop it. I hate myself when I look in the mirror. And the years of recovery I went through went down the drain. 

"Hey babe. Let's hang out today and get lunch" She said into the phone.

"Not really hungry" I answered back.

"I don't care you're coming. No excuses. Let's meet at The 99 around noon" she said into the phone. I just nodded to her then realized he couldn't see me. 

"Ok" I said as she said bye and hung up. 

I dragged my weak and thin body into the shower. I got out once I was finished and stepped on the scale seeing that I had lost 20 pounds in three weeks. 

I walked into my room and looked at myself in the mirror still seeing the fat girl I was two years ago. I squeezed the fat on my stomach and thighs and hated myself. 

Tears lightly fell down my cheeks but I wiped them away and continued to get ready. 

I threw on some yoga pants that now weren't even form fitting. They were loose and falling down. I then put on a V-neck that also hung loosely around my body. I straightened my hair and threw on a tiny bit of makeup just to hide my red and swollen eyes. 

Looking at my phone it was already 11:45 so I grabbed my keys and left my house for the first time in three weeks. The sun hit my skin making me squint at the brightness. 

I drove to the restaurant and Andrea told me she was already sitting down. I walked into the restaurant and scanned the room for her when I saw Andrea waving her hands at me. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Sam sitting next to her. 

He stared back at me with sorrow and pity. I finally gained the strength to walk over and sat across from them.

At this point I thought I would be hysterically crying. I hadn't seen Sam since I ended it with him and even being right in front of him is breaking my heart all over. But I think I cried myself dry of tears because nothing was coming out. I felt numb.

"Hey" Andrea said with a sympathetic smile.

"Hi" I croaked out. 

The waitress came over and took our order. Andrea and Sam ordered and then the waitress looked at me. 

"I'll just have a water" I said without emotion. Sam and Andrea whipped their head around to look at me. 

"No she'll have the same as me thanks!" Andrea said handing the waitress our menus. I rolled my eyes at her and fiddled with my fingers. 

Sam hadn't said one word to me this entire time. All I've gotten are pity looks filled with judgement. 

"Ronnie, you have to stop this, you look scary thin" She said taking my hand from across the table. 

"I'm fine" I said looking away. 

"Babe tell Ron where you took me last night!" She said grabbing Sam's hand. I looked up as our eyes met. 

He took a deep breath and hesitated to tell me. 

"I don't think she wants to hear about that right now babe" he said back to her.

"Nooo tell her she'll love it!!" She answered excitedly. 

"I umm took her to the beach and we had a picnic and watched the stars" He said reluctantly looking into my eyes with 'I'm sorry' written all over his face.

"Wow sounds nice" I managed to get out without my voice cracking. 

The waitress came back with huge plates of food as I just sat there staring at it. 

Sam and Andrea dug in to theirs but I just took a sip of my water. 

I felt overwhelmed. Like I was going to have a panic attack. Everything was weighing down on me. Being here with the guy I love that I ended things with. Sitting across from him and his new girlfriend which happens to be my best friend. Not to mention the huge plate of french fries and chicken fingers staring me down in front of me. 

My breathing started to increase as I started feeling my anxiety. 

"I have to go" I blurted out grabbing my stuff.

"Ronnie wait!" Sam's voice came out finally.

I stopped moving and turned around to face him. 

"Please stay. You should eat something.... please... eat something" He pleaded with those eyes that reminded me of the day I broke things off with him. They were filled with vulnerability, warmth, and hurt all at the same time. 

"I'm fine, I'll eat when I get home. Bye Andrea" I said waving and faking a smile. 

I ran back out to my car and broke down once again. 

"Fuckkk!" I screamed as tears poured down and I punched the steering wheel. I finally caught my breath and drove off. 

***SAMS POV******

I've never seen Ronnie look like this before. I know her eating disorder is back. She's scary thin. Like if I were to hug her I might break her. Her eyes were swollen under all the eyeliner and mascara and you could see the bags under her eyes from the exhaustion. 

I hated seeing her like this. I wanted more than anything to run up to her and kiss her. To tell her that she's beautiful and she's worth it. To tell her that I don't care if she's being stubborn, she's mine. 

But I can't do that. I'm in a relationship with Andrea now. Ronnie broke me. As much as she is broken now, she did this to us. I can't be the one to fix it if she doesn't want to be fixed. 

The hurt in her eyes was enough to kill me. There was no emotion left to give anyone. I miss her warm hugs, her beautiful smile and her amazing laugh. I miss everything about her.

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A/N: Double update mwuahaha! vote and comment babies <3