Open When...(Paul Walker Fanfiction)

Letter #3: Open When...You're Stressed Out

"Okay then! We look forward to seeing you on Friday, Mrs. Walker. Have a good day!" I can hear her wince as soon as she says the last part. Clearly, I'm not going to be having a good day if I'll spend the majority of it sitting in a hospital.

Our phone call ends as I reach the halfway point of my route to the hospital. One hand rests on my stomach and the other one has control of the wheel. The smooth handle of the car wheels against the pavement is soothing. It allows my thoughts to sharpen in my mind. What the hell am I doing? This is so wrong. I shouldn't be having this baby. Paul is laying in the hospital fighting for his life because of something he can't control. I'm basically dying because of this pregnancy and it's something I can control.

If I were to go on with this pregnancy and leave Paul, I'd never be able to rest in peace. He would struggle with being a single parent. Of course he would have tons of help from all of his family and friends, but I'm the one he would need most and I wouldn't be there. There's no way I could leave this planet knowing that Paul would be all alone, especially knowing I could've done something about it.

On the other hand, will I be able to live myself for taking away a child that Paul and I made out of our love? Every time I look into our children's eyes, I see hope, innocence, and most importantly, love. If this child's life was to end voluntarily, I'll never be able to look into their beautiful eyes and see that. Then again, I probably wouldn't live to see it. The mother inside of me is screaming to give this life a chance. I've lived my life and did most of the things I've wanted to do; it should be this child's turn to live their life.

As I pull into the parking lot, I shove those thoughts away. Right now, it's time to focus on Paul. It's been nine days, but it seems like an eternity. I can hear Paul's voice in my mind, telling me what I should be doing. Despite how crazy it sounds, sometimes I argue with him. Most of those arguments revolve around how mad I am for him getting in that stupid car. However, I can't really be mad at him for that. There's no way he would've known that him and Roger were going to get into a wreck. If he had, then he never would've gotten in the car even though we were fighting. Paul would never choose to leave me by dying, so how can I do that to him?

Coming into the hospital today is a little different from all of the other days. For one, I'm getting an ultrasound to see this miracle child. Two, there is finally some good news regarding Paul's health. Last night, a nurse called me to tell me that Paul was trying to out breathe the ventilator, so he was taken off of it. That's a huge step in the right direction for his recovery, and I'm so excited to see him make more steps. I'll be even more excited to see those blue eyes.

My appointment doesn't start for another thirty minutes, but I got here early just so I could see him. I haven't been able to kiss his lips since the day of the accident. It might be odd that something as simple as that excites me, but it gives me hope. It also helps me forget about he fight we had.

When I get into his room, I smile at the fact that there isn't as many machines hooked up to him. Instead of the quiet hum of the ventilator, there's soft noises emitting from the television. I look up at it to see Fast Five playing. I can't help but smile and roll my eyes. Honestly, I half expected Paul to wake up just to tell me to turn it off. He hates watching himself on film. Secretly, I hope that he does wake up just to say that. It would mean that he's finally home and he's safe.

The smile on my face grows even bigger when I run over to his bed and wrap my arms around him. Of course, I'm careful about putting too much pressure on his chest. I'm sure that it's still sore and the last thing I want to do is hurt my husband. The bruises on his face and neck have begun to lighten up, a sign that they're going away. The cuts and scratches are still there, but soon enough, they will go away too. The sooner that his injuries go away, the sooner we can put this accident behind us and move forward.