Fame || LRH

Chapter Fourty-Eight

"Can you say something- please?" I said lowly before standing up and walking towards the balcony doors

"I don't know what to say," he let out not facing me as I rested my hands on the frame of the balcony doorway behind him

"Say what you're thinking," I shrugged watching as he turned around, he still kept his back pressed against the railings but at least he was looking at me

"I lost myself for a while after because- because you led me to think that it was my fault for trusting you, for actually letting you into my life. You put me through so much fucking shit, and it was all for a lie." he exclaimed

"I lied to-"I began but he cut me off

"To what? To make sure the band was secure? You didn't think that we'd make it though whatever bullshit Kate would blackmail us with? Nice to know how much faith you had in us," he scoffed

"Luke, you know that's not what I was thinking when I did it," I told him

"You're right, you weren't thinking at all when you did what you did," he shook his head

"Say whatever you want to say but I did it for you," I retorted

"You don't get it, you don't fucking get it," He exasperated, frustratingly throwing his hands in the air as he began walking towards me

"What don't I get?" I questioned slightly agitated at how he was belittling my motives. Within seconds he stepped in front of me. He glared down at me as he spoke, but I held my ground the best that I could.

"You say that you did it for me, but what you don't understand is that I would've done everything for you. I would've done whatever it took to keep you with me, but you didn't even give me the chance to do that. Instead, you lied to my face and left me to suffer for so many fucking months over that bullshit," he explained still above me

"I know- and I'm sorry-" I stammered letting my wall fall beneath his blue eyes

"You're sorry? Well that's great, but that doesn't change anything," he escalated before turning back around

"I don't know what else you want me to do! I've told you everything that I can, I've apologized, I've-" I was almost yelling at this point

"Just stop fucking with my mind!" He yelled back gripping onto the railings so hard that his knuckles were turning white, I could feel the rage in his voice, but I didn't know what else I was supposed to do.

"I'm not!" I yelled, if he honestly thinks that I'm still lying to him then there is nothing left to do

"You are! Because after all this, after the lies, after you left me, I changed into this fucking asshole because of you. And here you are, right in front of me and I know that I should be so fucking pissed at you for everything you've done, but I'm not. You're standing in front of me and I still want to kiss you, I still want you in my arms, I still- I still want you so fucking bad, but I shouldn't. I should hate you for what you did, I should want nothing to do with you, but I can't feel that way no matter how hard I try," he said sounding so defeated as he began trailing off

By the end of his rant, he was already working me up so much, but I didn't know what to do. His emotions were all over the place and so were mine, but I let my instincts get ahead of me anyways. Without thinking, I walked towards him tugging on his shoulder to turn him around. I grabbed his face in my hands and placed my lips on his, it had been so fucking long since I've seen him, so fucking long since I've touched him. He didn't move at first, but the second he realized what was going on, he gripped onto my waist, pulling me closer to him and forcefully molded his lips to mine.

I was tugging on his hair feeling him moan in the kiss as his hands gripped so hard onto my waist, I knew there would be bruises left. He let his hands roam down to my thighs before lifting me up, placing me on the railings positioning himself between my legs and wrapping his arms tightly around my waist to keep me secure. His lips left mine for a second but I pulled him back to me until he shook his head signaling me to stop. Maybe he was coming to his senses.

He was panting, but after he got his breath back he spoke

"You can't just kiss me and make everything better," he said quietly his face still inches from mine

"I can try," I shrugged whispering sadly as I gently moved my fingers from his chin to the top of his head to comb his soaking wet hair back

"That's not how it works," he shook his head. Carefully, he slid me down from the railings, onto my feet in front of him. We were still so close, our chests still touching each other and his arms were still rested at my waist. I saw him wince once he forced his arms off of me. The second he let me go, I wanted so desperately to feel him again, but at the same time I knew he was right. I let him have his space as he walked back into the room.

He took a seat at the edge of the bed as I hesitantly followed behind him, sitting beside him, but with a fairly large gap between the two of us. The silence seemed so unbearable, I wanted to hear him talk, to touch him, to look him the eyes again without feeling so broken inside. But all he gave out was a sad sigh.

"I think- I think we should pause," I blurted out not even caring about how stupid I must've sounded. He turned his head slightly to look at me, for the first time tonight, I think I just saw him let out a smile.

"This isn't How I Met Your Mother, we aren't Lily and Marshall," He spoke

He looked back down for a second, fiddling with the fingers that he rested on his knees before looking back up at me.

"Come here," He said quietly as I stood up, he held his hand out for me as I took it. Leading me to sit on his lap, I wrapped my arms around his neck while he placed his around my waist, his head resting on my chest as mine was positioned on top of his. His face cuddled into the crook of my neck making me smile every time his stubble tickled my skin.

We didn't say anything for a while after this, just letting everything soak in for a moment, before he spoke.