Fame || LRH

Chapter Fourty-Seven

I left the opening of the balcony doors and went towards the railing to calm myself down, but it just wouldn't stop. I leant against the railings, covering my face in my hands as if this motion would keep the tears from falling, but it only made it harder to breath. It was only seconds later when I heard his voice coming closer behind me.

"No. No. You don't get to cry, you don't get to make me feel guilty, this is you're fucking fault." He spat walking towards the balcony doors. This was the closest we've ever been to each other in a long time.

"I know it's my fault," I told him forcing myself to not choke through the tears. In a small whisp of strength, I wiped the last bits of water on my face and forced myself to look at him while suppressing my tears.

"Then stop crying. You don't have to put up this fucking act. We're alone, no one can take pictures of us up here," He said

"It's not an act,"

"Sure it isn't," he scoffed sarcastically

"Just let me explain," I started off but he walked away. I stood at the doorway again feeling the tension inside the room becoming too strong, I watched him take a seat on the edge of the bed, landing with his elbows resting on his knees as he eyed me.

"Just leave me alone," he spoke

"We're locked inside the same room," I stated obviously as he stood up, he walked to the balcony doors where I was, but I was too nervous about his movements so I backed away watching what he was doing. Without even saying another word, he shut the balcony doors, keeping me out and him in. Letting out a frustrated groan at his attempts to ignore me, I suddenly broke.

"You think I wanted this?" I questioned with one forceful fist slammed into the glass door, but he kept walking until he reached the opposite end where the door was. He leaned against the frame before sliding his back down making us stare directly across from each other. Leaning his head back against the door, all he did was look at me.

"I did love you. I loved every second we spent together, I loved the rest of the guys." I said to him not knowing whether he could hear me or not, but his response made it evident that he could

"For once stop fucking lying to me," he groaned

"You think I'm lying? You think I spent all that time with you because of the contract? You honestly believe that every time we were together, when we were alone, every time we were in bed, the hotel rooms, the tour busses, when I kissed you, you think it meant nothing to me?" I began throwing the past at him as if he had forgotten but he physically responded to every word I spoke.

"I know it meant nothing!" He yelled

"Fuck you for thinking that! It meant everything to me!" I yelled back before being shut up by the feel of thunder coming from above. Looking up, I hadn't even realized that the grey clouds were starting to engulf our location, it began raining, but I couldn't care less about the weather. The cold did nothing to cool down the heat ignited inside me towards him and his unknowingness. He still looked at me unchanged by my words, making me let out a frustrated groan before stepping back into the balcony letting all of the rain take me in. Taking a seat on the soaking wet chair, I pulled my knees up to my chest letting my head lean against my limbs, there was no way I could get through to him.

Staring up into the clouds, I jumped at the roar of thunder and the flash of lightning, within the next second everything was quiet. I could no longer hear the bass of the music underneath me where the party still continued on the first floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the flicker of the lamps inside the room turn on and off until there was no more light. The silent confusion resulting from the power outage was soon broken once I began hearing muffled conversation coming from the bottom floor again, and I flinched at the second loud break of thunder in the sky. It made me realize how stupid we were for doing this. I'm standing out in the pouring rain just to get away from him, but there was no use in all of this. If I had already lost him, then this shouldn't matter, he shouldn't be this angry anymore, and I shouldn't be so desperate to avoid his wrath, yet here we were. If I had already lost him, then telling him the truth wouldn't matter regardless, I might as well do it.

I forced myself up slightly shivering at the cold and stepped up to the glass door. It was hard to see in the room, only the light coming from the gloomy clouds of the night sky illuminated the area, but even through the glass I could spot his tall frame. He was up, he was banging against the door again, but I could tell there was something else. I could hear him yell and pant with such urgency as if he was having trouble breathing, this moment felt all too familiar.

His fists were slowly giving up and I could see him start to fumble with his phone, but he was freaking out too much to handle it between his fingers. It wasn't until I finally remembered. The day there was a black out at my home, he instinctively pressed his body into mine in the dark not because he wanted to protect me, but out of his fear of the dark.

"Luke?" I questioned knocking against the glass to get his attention, but he didn't even flinch

I could physically see him start to hyperventilate as he took a seat at the edge of the bed, he held his head in one hand, anxiously gripping onto the bed sheets in his other as he closed his eyes as tight as he could in an attempt to imagine something else other than darkness. If he just came out here, if he dropped whatever anger he held towards me, he would be okay, but he didn't even want to come near me at this point regardless of his fear.

"Luke, open this door," I demanded trying to pull onto it, but the lock wouldn't budge.

"Open the fucking door, Luke!" I yelled trying to get his attention but he was blocking me out, he was blocking everything out. I could tell that his attempt to help himself wasn't working at all, just drop your fucking pride Luke and open the god damn door.

"Let me help you- please," I spoke desperately banging against the door, trying to rattle it open

He stood up from the bed, walking farther away from me towards the wall as he leaned his forehead against it, trying to hold onto it for support, but it was failing.

"I don't care if you're pissed at me, you have to open the door!" I yelled at him

By now, I was more than close to cracking the glass to get in, but watching him land onto the floor onto his bum made me freeze for a second. I felt so fucking helpless watching him push himself back onto the wall through the glass. In one last adrenaline of strength, I forced the door open, not even caring that I had broken the lock. His eyes were shut so tightly by the time I got to him, he had his hands fisted into his hair as his elbows rested against his knees. Without even thinking, I sat right in front of him placing my hands on his forearms to keep him from tensing up too much, but he snatched his limbs away from my contact making me flinch.

"Don't touch me," he kept on panicking

"I just want to help you," I told him watching as he shook his head

"You can't," he responded leaning his head against the wall with his eyes sealed shut in pure anxiety

"Let me try- please," I quietly pleaded, but he didn't reply. His breathing was shortening and that was only worrying me even more.

"Take in deep slow breaths, it'll calm you down," I told him, but he wasn't complying unwilling to drop his pride and actually listen to me

"I'm just- I want to help you, Luke," I broke out in a frustrated whisper letting my face fall onto the palm of my hands

"I care about you a whole lot more than you think," I mumbled into my hands as the only noise reverberating around the room was his hyperventilation. I stayed in my position not knowing what else to resort to, until I felt a hand touching my hand, taking it away from my face. I looked up immediately seeing his blue eyes slightly glimmer in the dark room against the flash of lighting behind me.

"I'm listening," He breathed