Bringing him back

Crying

Autumn's stomach begins to twist with hurt and jealousy. He was kissing Lindsey? He has known her for two days for freaks sake! How come Lindsey could stick her dirty tongue in James mouth when she's only known him for two days whereas she's known him since they were four years old and he won't even talk to her! Autumn knew she should pull her eyes away and stop looking, but she couldn't help herself. The more she looked the more she just wanted to throw up. That, or run over there and yank James's arms off of Lindsey and smack him across the face. And then throw Lindsey to the ground and claw her eyes out...

A weak smiled played over Autumn's lips as she imagined inflicting pain onto Lindsey. However, one quick glance at at Lindsey and James sends Autumn's stomach sinking. Her eyes fill with tears and she keeps them pointed toward the ground. She bitterly stuffs her hands into her pockets and swallows back a sob that was threatening to come up. They get to the car and Autumn looks away from her dad and out the window. Before they even pull out of the parking lot Emily's soft snoring can be heard from the backseat.

How Autumn envied Emily...To be young and carefree without any worry. If Autumn was Emily's age she and James would still be the best of buds running playfully around the yard. But Autumn was fifteen now and she was stuck with jealousy and hurt. The image of Lindsey standing on her tip-toes with her arms snaked around James neck and her lips mashed against his burned in Autumn's mind. Autumn took a deep breath so she wouldn't start crying in the car in front of her dad, who kept trying to make conversation with her.

"So that was awesome, huh? You had fun, I bet you're glad you came." he teases.

"Uh-huh." Autumn says, without conveying any emotion. Her dad must have took this for boredom.

"Oh come on, you had fun! I totally saw you smile the whole time! Or are you too cool for me?"

"I had fun, Dad. I'm just tired." Autumn says wearily. Her dad takes the hint and turns up the radio and leaves her alone. Soon enough the car pulls up into the drive-way and Autumn takes off into her room, leaving her dad to carry Emily up to her room. Before Autumn is even up the stairs the tears are already streaming down her face. Once Autumn gets upset all the bad memories and experiences run out of her through tears.

She cried because she was jealous of James kissing Lindsey...She cried because she missed her and James's friendship and part of her was deeply afraid she would never get it back...She cried because she knew she would never be as pretty as Lindsey or every attract as much attention from boys as Lindsey...She cried because she wanted to be just a little girl again... She cried simply to cry and feel miserable, hoping the tears would take away the sadness...

About a half an hour after burying herself under blankets and crying her eyes out as she tries to muffle the sobs, Autumn finally calms down. She takes deep breaths and digs out the memory book from underneath her bed. For the next couple of hours Autumn sat there leaning up against her bed, slowly looking through all the pictures. She would run her fingers over the plastic covering gently and wished she could just transport herself to the past. Sometimes she would see a picture that brought particularly strong memories and she would just close her eyes and let the memories flow so strongly through her mind she could almost smell the warm cinnamon scent of his house.

It was one in the morning before she finally crawled up in her blanket on her queen-sized bed and went to sleep; As she dreamed of playing zoo animals with James.