Cold Ashes

Chapter 21 - Playing with the Devil's Dice

"Why?" 

"'Cause I'm a coward. 'Cause I couldn't kill you." 

"That's not cowardice." 

"Isn't it? Because I feel like a real fucking bitch right now. Because I just couldn't face you dying. So instead I... sold your soul to him." 

Again he was speechless; he watched as tears began to sprout from Leah's eyes but not daring to go any further. It hurt him more to see her like this, and he couldn't stand it. He would give anything to make her feel even the slightest bit better. 

"You can get away from him, you know. You think that you're his but he doesn't own you Leah, nobody does." 

"You don't understand..." 

"Try me."  

"I can't-" 

"You can-!" 

"I - It's done, Ryan. It's over for me, don't you get that? I'm done." 

"So, what, that's it? You're giving up?" 

"Yeah. I am." 

"Why? You that scared of him?" 

"No-" 

"Then why?!" 

"Because he'll kill you if I don't!"

Ryan froze. His expression stuck in utter surprise. Because he saw it. He saw something that he hadn't in years, something that he barely noticed but was now screaming in his face. He tried to breathe but his blush was burning him with a welcoming glow. His heart seemed to hammer against his ribs like a hummingbird. He reached for her hand and held it tightly in his own. Forgetting about the pain, forgetting about the hours underneath the scorching light.

"Leah..."

She was there in his vision, a sorrow that stayed with her as well as the small spark of happiness that he missed. But this was real. He was sure of it and he was scared - of course he was scared, of rejection and of everything he thought just being his imagination. He wanted it to be real. He really, really did, so he reached. With his hand he passed through the air like syrup, reaching for her cheek. Then he felt the soft, warm skin against his own. Ryan had the words but they didn't need saying, he'd heard the poems, the declarations, but none of them were right.

Leah felt his hand weaken and shake with hidden exhaustion. She took hold of it gently, holding it lightly before crawling beside him in the hospital bed. She leaned against his body, feeling her heart thud louder than anything, echo through her ears and heat burst all sweat all over her body. Leah didn't want to admit it. She never believed in it and hoped to never fall into such a trap.

Yet there she lay. With him holding her so softly but tightly - as if any moment she might fly away. If Leah could help it, she would anchor herself to this moment forever. Her throat was dry and she thought to say something, but no matter what came to mind she didn't have the courage to say it to him without feeling stupid. So she laid there.

That was, until, the Viceroy stormed into the room.

Grabbing her by the hair, he dragged Leah out the room; she screamed and tried to struggle but it was too fast for her to properly react. Ryan tried to fight as well, but was equally unprepared. In seconds they were separated and the girl was thrown against the wall outside the room, being stared down by the Viceroy with such fury as she'd never seen. Her hair was still being pulled as he made her face upwards to meet his gaze.

"You believe me a fool, Leah?" He spat venomously. "Do you honestly think I cannot see what you're attempting to do?!" 

He slammed her head against the wall, she yelped in surprise. 

"You might think that you care for him, but you're so wrong. Insolent, foolish whore!" 

Twice more and blood was on the wall, the explosions behind her eyes making her start to tear up as the pain intensified. 

"Breaking out was foolish the first time, Leah. You know that trying again will mean imminent death for every little person you love. You will not escape us!" 

Then her vision started to blur as more thuds against the wall became harder and angrier, she would swear there was a dent at the back of her skull of how furious they were.  

"You try to run, you try to hide or even try to break him out - I'll kill him myself, understand? Nod if you understand me!" 

She nodded, the room properly spinning as blood escaped her nose and a red pigment filled her eyes. Tears streaming down her face. With a satisfied smile he let go and she fell to the floor in a useless heap, blood leaking out from everywhere and her mouth trying to suck air into her system. 

"Tomorrow night you will be revealed to the world, young mistress. And I'll be there. Making sure you play your part if you want him to live."

****

It was pitch black when Ryan saw Leah again. He woke with his arms and legs strapped down so tight he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe without them straining against him. It was uncomfortable, for he could barely move his neck. But on the opening of his door, he was able to see the girl who had become his only friend in the world.

She entered wearing a long dress of such exquisite beauty that he couldn't believe his eyes. Nothing in his life looked so gorgeous and so rich that he felt conflicted between disgust and adoration. For the girl wearing it had jewels that hung off her neck and wrists like clamps and chains, her eyes unable to meet his; Leah who would take a leap of faith at a rickety, rusted fire escape if he was there to comfort her, Leah who would take any risk to get a few more days of food for a single orphan. Leah who had saved his life more than one time. Painted as such with such bright and shining colours as Ryan had never seen in his life. There was no doubt that she looked exceptionally beautiful.

"Leah..." His voice drifted, too shocked to even attempt to describe his surprise, hate and admiration. 

She did not answer, but she did lift her head. Aware of the eyes of the dark man behind her making sure she played the perfect little actress. Her chest began to ache as she felt so scared - but she stayed strong. She was doing this for him.

"I don't want to see you again."

"What?" 

"I cannot see you again, Ryan." She sounded plastic. Regretful and upset about every word she muttered. 

"No-" 

"You... aren't worthy of me." 

"Stop it." 

"Tonight I'm going to tell everyone else what I am. My identity will be revealed to the world." 

He could hear how scripted it all sounded. How unnaturally she droned through each line, the hurt that screamed through each sound she made.  

She closed her eyes, coming close enough for him to feel her breath. Her whispers to him. "Everything'll..." She sniffed, not allowing him to see the salty tears that were held in her eyes. "Be fine. Don't worry. After this, I've made sure that you'll get away, okay? You'll... be fine." 

"What did you do...? Oh God, Leah, what did you do?"

"I made a deal with the devil. And I saved your life."

She leaned towards him, pressing her lips to his brow so he felt her breath and kiss touch him much further than his skin. It felt longer than it was, for she spent seconds in that position before she turned away without another word. Exiting the room for one final time.