But we're brothers!

Confusions

"Im not harassing you, your my boyfriend after all" Jonghyun said as he ran his fingers on my thigh. I couldn't help but shiver at the sensation. I was still kind of mad at him for saying I smelled like sweat even if it was true. He was my boyfriend he wasn't supposed to-

My boyfriend....

Boyfriend....

 The word sunk inside me as a tint of pink rose to my already flushed cheeks. I haven't thought about it much but now that I do I can't help but smile and squeal. The work just sounds so marvelous yet very dangerous in our territory.  A hand going  deeper inside my thigh brought me back to the real world as I let out a shaky breath.

"J-Jong-ng.... s-st-stop!" I squirmed trying to take his hands away from my  body. He only pushed me full into the wall making me huff in slight pain.  I get him pull back slight to only feel him leaving butterfly kisses on my back. He stopped shortly and turned me around to face him, his eyes were locked with mine. Hiding so much behind them, love, lust, desire, want, many things I couldn't read before. Many to name. His eyes flickered between my eyes and lips until they rested completely on my lips. 

"I.....I cant..." He only said trapping his bottom lip between his teeth. I looked at him not understanding what he meant by that. He couldn't what? His eyes slowly rose to my eyes, something flashed in them but I couldn't see... I couldn't tell what it was. And that broke me. He looked at me sadly and then stepped away to sit on the bed. I didn't know what was going on so I stayed in position, holding the towel around my waist tightly.

"You can't what?" I finally let the word slip out of my mouth. The tension was killing me, I couldn't stand it. He looked up but quickly looked down with teary eyes. Shaking his head he stood up and headed for the door, but before he could get out I took two steps froward letting out my frustration...

"You can't what you bastard!" I yelled making him stop in his tracks. He didn't even glance back, with his head down he walked out closing the door behind him.

"I hate you" I whispered under my breath. My eyes started to hurt, they started to sting as a small droplet of salty water fell from my eyes. Another followed after the previous as I fell to the ground clutching the towel that was still around my waist. Closing my eyes tightly I held back a sob and harshly whipped my tears as I stood up. 

"He can die for whatever reason.... I don't care anyway....." I knew that even if I said this and I meant I knew deep down I didn't. I won't admit anything to the idiot, I won't ever admit anything to him. Standing up I got dressed and picked up my phone. Just as I was about to exit my room it opened slowly. My heart started to beat faster but then my mom came in.

"Honey... are you ok?" she asked cupping my face. Oh how I wanted to cry and embrace her while telling her everything, but I couldn't so I held back my tears and slowly removed her hands from my face.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I knew very well what she was talking about, she wasn't stupid neither was she deaf. But if I told her everything would be much worst. No one could ever know.

"Did you guys fight again? you guys were going so fine so far..... what happened?" She asked looking slightly hurt. I know she hated when we fought, but there is and was nothing I could do about it. Smiling softly I acted like nothing and squeezed her hand in mine.