Mémoire

Neuf

*CHAPTER NINE WILL BE DELETED AND REWRITTEN SOON*

Nine
(Part one)

"Look for a girl with a broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile" -Maroon 5.

A r d e n K e l l y ;

*

I didn't sleep last night, I spent it all by writing and just letting my mind take over the pen on paper, I kept writing till my hand feels numb.

I've collected the blank papers and bind them together with some metallic rings. Now it looks like some sort of messy book with no covers to protect it. I'll do it later then, right now it's already early in the morning and I don't want to face either of my parents nor did I want to listen to their words and discussions.

I sniffed my wet nose and rubbed my puffy eyes. Pouring my heart all over the papers didn't turn out tear-free after all, the ink is most probably smudged on the paper.

I rolled myself off my bed and slid on some cream colored jeans and a peach top. I figured that it'll still be cold out so I wore a wool gray sweater over my shirt, it had a simple picture of a daisy printed on the front of it.

My mom mentioned that she'd be staying in aunt Jaimie's, her older sister who lives in Liverpool so I guessed it must took her quite the night to drive all the way there in the rain.

I packed two bags, one to fill my basic necessities like pajamas, a couple of shirts, sweater and pants, and my toiletries while the other bag contained things like my identity card, phone, coin purse and other miscellaneous things I happen to have in my tote bag.

Six a.m. and I'm about to run away.

It's weird because in all honesty, I've never rebelled before, not even to bite back a sarcastic remark to my parents, I respect them too much. But as of what's happened last night, that weigh of respect had lost a pound or two, they lied to me and kept out the biggest truth that hurt me so much. It was the fact that they didn't love each other anymore, that hurts to hear especially when they just blurt out the point.

We're getting a divorce. I'm sure an invisible knife stabbed me when she said that.

I pushed my bedroom door open, careful not to make any loud noises to wake dad up from his sleep. . . well wherever he sleeps in that is.

I started to walk stealthily down the hallway and saw a gap between the door of my parent's bedroom. I slowly pressed my body against the wall and peeked through the door.

It was empty, the bed was untouched.

I guess they both left me alone in this house. The thought stung my heart a little. It's as if their care for me has died along with their love, god this feeling hurts like a bitch.

There was no use of sneaking anymore so I got light on my feet and dashed downstairs, unable to stay in this house anymore.

I grabbed my keys, jacket and shoes before slipping into some sandals and ran to my car before hearing the front door slam as the wind whipped past me.

I took a long drive like I use to every morning, the windows rolled down, my hand out the window and the radio playing those classic songs from Five for Fighting to Colbie Cailat. Only this time, I didn't get the content feeling that I used to, driving might ease some pain but my tears are still slipping. The day isn't so sunny either, it's still a gloomy gray from last night's rain.

Today is Saturday, that means no shifts in the pawn shop.

I stare ahead of the road, trying to keep check of my speed limit but my mind always wonder to someplace else, someplace where it's sunny and the summer doesn't seem to end. Where the days are longer and nights are shorter and we forget about all the inevitable things that will eventually happen. You know, the days that meant you're still young and believe that you're much younger that young, laughing at practically everything and not care if it's cold outside because you just wanted to look cute today.

I sigh, I wish I have those days right now. After miles and miles of driving to nowhere, I saw a sign that showed an exit to London and I made a turn.

My phone rings and I looked at it on the passenger seat, it was a message. My eyes were fixated on the road but my hand tried to get my phone. I unlocked the screen and read it.

When you stop being ridiculous, come home, we'll discuss the situation immediately.

Dad had texted me, I can imagine the sternness in his voice through the words that I read. I gripped my phone hard before tossing it on the passenger seat.

When I looked up, there was a pole seconds in front of my view and I pulled the steering wheel hard to the right, barely scratching the my car with the pole.

I felt my heart accelerate ten times faster, my chest heaving up and down and my hair covered my face. I blinked rapidly, trying to asses what could've happened if I hadn't look up just in time. I'd crash. I'd probably swivel the car into a ditch. I would've gotten seriously injured for my lack of care.

I would've even died and no one would know where I'd be at this time.

And I was angry for that, for letting my guard down and reading those words from my dad, not even a worried text from him asking where I'd be this time of morning, not asking if I was alright from last night. I could've died without them even noticing and that makes me angry, so angry.

But unfortunately for me, that anger quickly changes into frustration, and that frustration turns into a crying confused mess that I am.

I sobbed in the car, one hand holding the steering wheel and the other trying to close my mouth from sobbing so hard.

I was so scared.

From the thought of my family breaking apart to knowing that I almost died and my dad texted me right before telling me to come home to discuss about the divorce. It hurts, god it hurts to think this way.

And the rain started to pour again.

I was in town finally in the streets of London, stuck in traffic on a bloody Saturday morning and crying in my car.

Feels like freaking déjà Vu when I turned my head and saw the same boy over and over and over again. Leon sitting in a slouched position at a table outside a coffee shop with his hand slowly stirring the cup on the table. His hair is wet from the rain.

I shook my head to myself. I can't let him see me like this, not in the state that I'm in right now.

"please don't look this way" I sobbed, holding my mouth as if afraid that he'd hear me from where I am.

But he did hear me somehow, and he turned his head and he looked at me.

And I smiled. With tears in my eyes but I still did, somehow I did smile.

The traffic light turned green and I drove off, looking away from him. If I wasn't sobbing before, I am now.

*
Cliffhanger.
Unfinished Chapter
*

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!

so far this is the shortest chapter I've ever written but it's gonna be deleted after I write the longer version of this chapter.

I don't think that it will be written soon, yesterday I got third place for the scrabble competition representing my district. And visiting the big cluster and elite schools made me have a little bit of a crisis. I cried for a whole day when I came back home thinking that I might no make it in life and I'm just scared if I fail.

Exams are coming up and Wattpad has just have to wait, it's not going anywhere just like my mom said.

So I'll write you guys another chapter once I'm ready and see you soon.

Bare with me,

xx, sar.