Rebel (SVU Fanfic)

8

The two brunettes sat together. It wasn't comfortable, but they both really wanted it to be. Whether that was a secret or not to either of them, it was true.

"So...I'm just going to start with that night. Well, the case we had before that was a lot. I already was on edge from you and the kids and your father and the transfer. I was able I handle it, though I was really stressed. When you started acting out, I felt like I was out of control. I like being controlling of everything, you know that. It...It took a lot out of me."

Nicole nodded. She knew this already, but she didn't realize the intensity of the emotions running through her mother. She was already tearing up, and that was something her mother just didn't do. Nicole's sympathy started to surface.

"I'm not going to blame you. I know why you did, or are doing, what you're doing. It got my attention. It did. But I dealt with it wrong. I told myself it was some stupid tactic you were using to get us to move back home. I couldn't give you that so I ignored it. But it all got to be so much so quick. I've never been so out of control like that, unless it was because of my mother."

Olivia took a breath. Nicole knew she was the product of rap. But she didn't know anything else. This was the time to lay all her cards out on the table, but she was so afraid. Olivia reached for her daughter's hand, so glad the two didn't turn out like she and Serena did. Nicole felt awkward with the hand-holding, but tried to ignore it.

"You know my father raped my mother. Right?"

Nicole nodded.

Elliot, on the other hand, did not. He thought Olivia was talking through her alcohol. He didn't believe much of what happened last night. His eyes grew wide, though nobody could see it. Was Olivia really the product of a rape?

"Now," Olivia continued, "what you don't know, is your grandmother didn't know her attacker. It made her feel even worse. Abortion was illegal, so she had me. She saw me as a burden so she drank. A lot. And that made her verbally abusive. And sometimes, even physically. She would slap me, come at me with vodka bottles, belts, anything, really. I grew up and got out of there. But...when you were about three, she fell down a flight of subway steps because she was drunk. She died."

It was a lot for Nicole to take in already. Her mother never hit her. Or was mean to her. Her mother was fair and tried to be loving. She felt so lucky, but so upset for her mother. She was so strong. Strong Momma.

"I keep those thoughts from those days buried away. But they came to me last night. I was so upset and just cried, like I did when my mom would yell and hit me. So I went back to her old house, my old house, found the booze and drank. I got too drunk to go home. I know, I shouldn't have. I just didn't know what else to do. Your father was the calm one. He knew what to do. But...that's my fault too. I pushed him away from all of us. I-"

"No," Nicole said all of a sudden. She didn't want her mother blaming herself. She had to deal with too much; her father could never understand. He left because he was an ignorant bigot.

This surprised her mother. "What?" Olivia asked.

"Dad left because he didn't get you. He didn't like it so he left. It wasn't your fault."

Olivia heart wanted to burst. Was she really hearing this?

"He would've gotten it if I told him. But I never told him I was abused. I didn't trust him enough."

"That was your sign, Mom."

Olivia felt so much better. She still had bridges to rebuild, before they completely fell apart, but she was so relieved her daughter didn't completely block her out. She still had the loving, sassy, mini-Olivia she always did.

It was just then Paige came out of the bedroom, waddling on her chubby toddler legs.

~•~

Olivia decided all four of them would have a family day. After Elliot left, they all went to the zoo. Nicole wasn't entertained much. The thing that did help her - and Olivia - smile is the fact Paige kept squealing at all the animals. Just like her big sissy, the seat otters were her favorite. Unlike her other brother, she was afraid of the bears because they roared loud. Zach found that really cool.

When they got lunch in the food court, Nicole stayed with her siblings while her mom ordered. Paige was bouncing happily in her high chair and Zach was staring at the bird that flew in the wide, open, but indoor, area.

Nicole took her phone out and checked her text messages. The most recent one was from Elliot, but she didn't want it to be. Kat hadn't talked to her since the day at the hospital. She hadn't been in school, which she understood, but she wanted to talk to her.

"What's wrong, Nicole?" she heard her mom ask.

Nicole jumped at her mom's voice. She wasn't supposed to be sad today, no. She'd deal with it later. "Nothin'," she lied.

Her mom gave her daughter her burger and fries and Nicole ate, not wanting to talk. Instead, she took her phone out and texted Elliot. "How is the case against Mikey going?"

He didn't reply right away, but that was fine with her for the moment.

When they got home, Paige was asleep in her carseat. Nicole unbuckled her sister and carried her to their room, where she removed the toddler's jacket and shoes and tucked her in. Nicole hated to admit it, but she missed her sister. She missed her old clothes. She- well, no, the hair is pretty cool. But other than that, the whole "all black, rebel without a cause" thing was starting to grow old to her.

How could she deal with that, though? She couldn't just go up to all her 'friends' and say "hey this was just an act to get my mom to listen to me, I don't want to be friends with you anymore".

Again, more things she'd get to later.

•••

IK kind of a short chapter but I didn't know how to make it longer!!! 😁😁 what'd'ya guys think's going on?! Will Nicole fully open up to her mom?!