Cold Ashes

Chapter 18 - Confession

She stopped again. Feeling more stupid than ever, but also a little... better. She felt better that there was someone that she could talk to. Even if he wasn't really talking back. No. No she couldn't think that. He was just sleeping - he'd wake up. He just would.

"You're lucky, Ryan. You... you had a chance with a family. They might be gone now, but at least you had someone. At least you felt loved for a moment - just a moment - in your life. 'Cause you might not believe me, but my life's been... good recently.

"My mum wasn't bad. At least I don't think she was. I don't remember anything about her, Ryan, just that she tried to protect me. I always remember the look on her face when that door bashed down, I think I was five - six years old. Getting out of the house, then the wall, we were inches from getting out, but we had to go across the river. The one right under us, right now. I couldn't do it. Six years old and afraid of a bit of water. After all that's happened since, it's stupid. She cried to me but... She couldn't wait. She left me on the bank. Ran for the distant farms and fields. She should've made me go!

"But..." She sighed. In her dreams she saw her mother, her face and intriguing strength. Her faith in God and life after death clear in the blue necklace that she always wore. The one she hid somewhere for Leah to one day find, to only appear in Ryan's hand years after she left her completely alone. "I guess I can't blame her.

"I spent the next seven years in Boss' mines. Nobody knew who my mother was and none of them cared. I was just put in there like every other kid in the city, to work and work until we bled. D'you know what that's like? To bleed to death? Because I've seen it a hell of a lot of times and it... it's..." There was no such word, it was so terrifying for Leah to even comprehend, especially to a ten year old. Others she knew would try to even stop it - but nothing would ever be able to stop it. A few would just let it happen, say goodbye, mourn them while they struggled for breath.

"The only person who'd listen to me... was Heather. She was a maid once, y'know. Another servant in Boss' palace, but she was happy. I never understood it but she always found a way to make me smile, make me feel wanted. And I wasn't the only one - she'd do it to other kids. Kids whose family abandoned them so they could eat another few weeks. She's my hero. Someone who was brave enough to stand up to Boss, to stand up for what's right.

"Boss keeps telling me that it was a mistake me even being there. He came to me one day, a year ago, and told me that my mother was... selfish. That she tried to make me something that I wasn't, that she was steering me away from my destiny. My heritage. I've never believed him. Even now I think that there's some sort of mistake and he thinks I'm someone I'm not. And what I am is more important than it really is. He started to train me - putting me in with loads of other trainees, mostly guys. Some of them were the worst of guys, but others were good. Nice, y'know?

"What he told me... It didn't shake me much. I never believed a word of it, Heather being the only one who helped me grow. She told me about so many things, taught me what life was like before this. Where there were thousands of people, millions of them who were as rich as Boss. Who could use the cars, use the shops, use those weird flat broken screens - TVs. She taught me that Boss was more than just a corrupt monster, he was a mob gang-ster, a guy who would kill people. Just for money.

"I guess we're all mob gang-sters now, aren't we?"

Leah leaned back, still looking at Ryan like he might say something back to her at any minute. But nothing was happening or changing, so she continued.

"She also told me how to pick locks. Oh the many hidden talents of Heather, ha ha." The laugh seemed empty. Hollow without him to laugh with her. "How to get the lever down in a padlock and springing the other joints to make a metal lock spring open. Getting everything in the right place at the right time so getting it open would be a synch. And that's how I got out the mines - trust me after years of darkness, getting shoved into daylight isn't fun the first few seconds. But once they're gone, oh, it's gorgeous. It's like standing in heaven.