Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. He's right. Mali naman talagang magalit ako sa kanya. Maybe that's just how he grieves. Simula nang mamatay si Luna, hindi ko siya nakitang umiyak o maglabas ng nararamdaman niya. Some people grieve differently. Some are in so much pain that they can't even express it.
I get that.
Pero kahit ilang beses namin siyang yayain sa burol, hindi pa rin siya nagpapakita. He never replied to our messages. He never answered our calls.
I tried to understand. I really did. Pero may hangganan din pala ang pasensya ko.
Nang hindi siya sumipot sa mismong libing ni Luna, hindi ko na kinaya. This was the last time we would see her, and he couldn't even show up?
Frustrated, I sent him countless voice messages.
"Ano ba, Wynther?! Wala ka ba talagang balak magpunta ngayon?!" Sigaw ko, bago pindutin ang send.
Napahilamos ako sa mukha.
"For fuck's sake! Magpakita ka naman! This is the last time we will see Luna! Don't you want to say goodbye to her?!"
Pagkatapos ng libing, hindi pa rin ako tumigil. Muli akong nag-send ng voice messages.
"Tangina naman, Wynther! How could you not go?!"
My voice cracked.
"Don't you know how worried we are for you? How... worried I am for you? Mag-reply ka naman. Please lang. Tell us that you're okay."
Pero kahit ilang messages ang ipadala ko, isang "seen" lang ang natanggap ko. Wala siyang sagot. And yet, somehow, the fact that he at least read and heard them gave me a little bit of comfort.
After the burial, we thought he'd finally show up at school. Pero wala pa rin. He started skipping classes. Rive, Zeira, and I would meet up in the clubroom just to check kung may balita tungkol sa kanya-pero laging wala.
"He's still skipping school," Rive sighed. "Tinanong ko si Ma'am Esquivel kanina, pero wala rin siyang balita."
Napabuntong hininga ako. "Hindi rin ba siya nagrereply sa inyo?"
Umiling si Zeira. "Hindi. All of my chats were left on read, and my calls... not answered."
Ganoon din ang sagot ni Rive.
Napagdesisyunan naming puntahan siya sa kanila. Pero kahit doon, hindi siya nagpakita sa amin.
That day at the funeral-where he walked out on us-was the last time we ever saw him.
And maybe... maybe I just got tired of understanding.
No matter how much I try, I can't keep controlling my frustrations. Nakakapagod na rin. Nakakasawa nang umintindi.
"But what?!"
My voice echoed across the street.
Rive called my name, snapping me back to reality. And when I saw Zeira's eyes-so close to crying-guilt immediately crept into my chest.
Napasinghap ako bago ako tumalikod. Lumakad palayo.
I'm done.
Ayoko na.
With everything that's happening, it's impossible to continue our dream.
It's just not possible.
Because one of us is dead.
And the other... refuses to face us.
I quit.
Pagkauwi ko, agad akong nag-send ng message sa dati kong coach. I accepted the offer kahit na ilang linggo na ang lumipas simula noong huli niyang sinend ang message niya. Saglit lang bago siya nag-reply. Sabi niya, natutuwa raw siyang tinanggap ko na rin sa wakas. And just like that, I was officially back on the track and field team.
YOU ARE READING
Strings of Memory
Teen Fiction"Hating the one thing you love is a pain worse than losing it." - Wynther Fynne Clemenceau Wynther never had a dream-until he heard his father play the bass. In that moment, music became his purpose, his passion, his future. He dreamed of standing o...
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