Strings of Memory

Chapter 25

Muted Echoes

Pagkauwi ko, dumiretso agad ako sa kwarto. Pagpasok ko pa lang, agad na bumungad sa akin ang mga gamit kong may kinalaman sa musika—mga gamit na matagal ko nang itinago, pilit na kinalimutan.

Napako ang tingin ko sa bass na nakasandal sa tabi ng study table ko. The black surface gleamed under the soft light of my room, almost too striking. I looked away—not because I was blinded, but because something deep inside me ached at the sight of it.

Hinayaan kong gumala ang paningin ko sa buong kwarto. The once bare room, devoid of anything related to music, was now in disarray. And it's all because of Luna.

She made me take them out. She made me pick up what I had already let go of. The things I buried so they wouldn't hurt anymore.

Napakagat ako sa pang ibabang labi ko. I once told myself I didn't need them anymore. That I was done. But I broke my own resolve. And now, for the second time, I have to put them away again. Dahil kung hindi, mananatili lang akong nasasaktan.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga bago kinuha ang lumang kahon kung saan ko unang itinago ang mga gamit ko. Isa-isa, maingat kong ibinalik ang bawat piraso sa loob. And with every item I touched, another pang of pain stabbed at my chest, pulling me back to memories I tried to forget.

The first time Luna came here, she was ecstatic. She checked my stuff one by one, admiring each piece with that bright, radiant smile of hers. She was so blindingly happy, so full of life. And just remembering that moment—it stings more than anything.

Nang matapos ako ay napunta ang tingin ko sa bass.

My heart ached at what I was about to do. Mabigat ang naging hakbang ko papalapit, at nanginginig ang mga kamay kong kinuha ito. Marahan kong hinimas ang makinis na katawan nito at suminghap nang malalim.

I have to do this. I have to.

Or else... it'll keep on hurting me. I have to save myself first.

Halos pigil hininga ko itong isinilid sa case. Maingat, parang isang bagay na mahalaga pero kailangan nang iwan. At nang tuluyang maisara ko ito, natigilan ako nang mapansin ang strap na nakasabit sa gilid.

Hinawakan ko iyon, pinagmasdan ng ilang minuto bago marahang tinanggal. I gripped it tightly, and suddenly, memories flooded my mind. Luna's persistent smile, her bright eyes as she convinced me to take it. How she kept giving it to me until I finally accepted it.

Tumingala ako at napapikit, pilit itinataboy ang emosyon na gustong kumawala.

I know. I... know she would be disappointed if she saw this. But this is the only way I know how to keep going. The only way I can move forward without breaking apart.

Then, the door to my room creaked open.

Napaangat ako ng tingin, only to see my mother standing there, eyes wide in shock at the scene in front of her.

She... saw. She saw me hiding the one thing I love again. She saw me let go. Again.

I... I really am a coward.

She opened her mouth to say something. Pero wala akong narinig. No voice registered in my ears. But somehow, my heart understood.

Is something wrong?

I didn't know how I understood her words despite not hearing them. I just stared at her, unable to respond.

Pinakatitigan niya ako, her expression shifting from surprise to something more tender. Then, she did something I didn't expect.

She pulled me into a hug.

Just like what Tori did.

It was tight. Warm. But just like before, the warmth failed to reach my heart.

Marahan niyang hinimas ang likod ko, her voice vibrating against me as she spoke. I felt the movement, but I couldn't hear a single word.

Kumalas siya mula sa pagkakayakap at tinitigan ako sa mata. Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kanya, at kitang-kita ko ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya.

Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko at marahang hinimas iyon bago muling nagsalita.

It's okay.

My heart grasped it again despite the silence.

Patuloy siyang nagsalita, hindi bumibitaw sa akin.

Everything's going to be alright.

She said the same words as Tori. And that made my heart grow heavier.

I know they're worried. I know they're waiting for me to grieve. Ever since I found out about Luna, I never cried. Not once.

But I can't. I just... can't feel anything except the constant ache in my chest. Bukod doon, wala na akong maramdaman. At ayokong pilitin ang sarili kong makaramdam.

Luna's death brought me back to who I was three years ago. It felt like the past had reached out and dragged me back in time. Noong nawala si Daddy, hindi rin ako umiyak. Not until it was all over. Not until years had passed.

My world, which was just starting to regain its colors, had turned gray again. Just like before. Before I met her.

As if the universe was simply restoring things to the way they were meant to be.

And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

With everything that happened, I stopped going to school. Calls and messages flooded my phone—mostly from my former bandmates—but I ignored them.

Lahat naman sila, iisa lang ang gustong malaman. They were asking how I was, why I wasn't showing up, if I was okay.

But I didn't have the energy to answer. I didn't have the will to care.

Days passed in a blur, each one the same as the last. I would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for time to pass. Hours would slip away unnoticed. I wouldn't move. I wouldn't do anything.

The only time I'd get up was to eat. That was it. The rest of the day, I just existed. No thoughts, no actions—just empty, mindless staring into nothing.

Then, after a few more days, my door suddenly opened.

I didn't bother moving. I just lay there, eyes shifting toward my mom as she stood by the doorway.

Your friends are here.

Her voice was still muted, like everything else, but I understood.

I shook my head, and she seemed to get the message. She quietly closed the door, leaving to handle my visitors. I already knew what they wanted—to check on me, to convince me to come back, to tell me that everything would be fine.

But I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't have the energy to face them.

Minutes passed. Then, the door opened again.

This time, my mom stepped inside and sat on the edge of my bed.

Tatayo sana ako pero pinigilan niya ako.

It's okay. Just stay where you are. You don't have to force yourself to do anything.

She gave me a small, warm smile. And just like that, my heart clenched.

You've been skipping school lately.

Kinagat ko ang pang ibabang labi at nanatiling tahimik. Is she here to scold me for not going to school?

But it's okay. You don't have to force yourself to go back just yet.

Nahugot ko ang hininga ko.

She's... not forcing me to go back.

Nagpatuloy siya sa pagsasalita.

I know you're going through something. I heard what happened, and I understand. I know how much it hurts right now.

Tumigil siya saglit bago humugot ng malalim na paghinga.

Healing takes time. It's a slow and painful process, but don't worry... you'll get there. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But one day, you will.

Then, she reached out, cupping my cheek, her thumb gently stroking my skin.

And for the first time since the day I learned of Luna's death, I felt warmth—even just for a moment.