Strings of Memory

Extra 3

Pero... am I ready to risk everything for it?

Kumabog ng malakas ang dibdib ko at nakaramdam ako ng kirot.

Am I?

Even when I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about Luna's words.

"Ayos ka lang, anak?"

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mama. I turned to her, and as soon as our eyes met, my vision blurred with unshed tears.

Guilt immediately crept into my chest, making it hard to breathe.

How could I? How could I even consider giving up everything just to pursue a dream that was so uncertain? How could I do that to my parents?

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. "A-ayos lang ako, Ma," nauutal kong sagot, avoiding her gaze.

She sat beside me and gently turned me to face her. Hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong pisngi, marahang hinaplos iyon. And I don't know if it was because of her touch or the way her eyes looked at me, but my tears started falling-unstoppable, uncontrollable.

Sinubukan kong punasan pero wala rin itong nagawa.

Marahan siyang ngumiti bago ako binalot sa isang mainit na yakap na mas lalong nagpaiyak sa akin.

How could I even consider throwing everything away for a dream? How could I be so selfish?

How could I do this to them?

When I finally calmed down, I sat up straight, still sniffling.

"Tungkol ba ito sa pangarap mo?" she asked gently.

Napatingin ako sa kanya, gulat.

How... how did she know?

She smiled again. "Simula nang magtapos ka ng junior high, hindi mo na binanggit ang tungkol sa pangarap mo. Pero napapansin pa rin namin ng Papa mo na parang may bumabagabag sayo. At base sa naging reaksyon mo ngayon, mukhang tama ang hinala ko."

Napayuko ako. I felt so embarrassed.

Naramdaman ko ang marahan niyang pagtapik sa balikat ko, kaya napatingin ulit ako sa kanya. Her eyes were still the same-soft, warm, and full of worry.

Mas lalong sumikip ang dibdib ko.

"Pwede mong sabihin sa akin kung anong gumugulo sa isip mo, anak," she said. "Makikinig ako."

And I don't know why, but I just... started talking.

I told her everything. My doubts, my fears-everything that had been weighing me down for the past few months. I laid them all out in front of her. And she just listened. No judgment in her eyes.

When I was done, she simply looked at me for a moment.

I swallowed hard, waiting for what she had to say.

I was expecting disappointment.

Pero wala.

Instead, she smiled.

"It's okay," she said. "Okay lang na ituloy mo ang pangarap mo."

Napailing ako. "P-pero-"

Bago ko pa matapos ang sasabihin ko, pinatigil niya ako.

Umiling siya, her smile never faltering. "Hindi mo kailangang buhatin ang responsibilidad namin, anak. Sa amin iyon ng Papa mo. Dahil anak ka namin. Kami ang bubuhat non. Hindi ikaw. Mag-focus ka lang sa pangarap mo dahil nandito lang kami ng Papa mo. Lagi kaming nakasuporta sayo. Kahit anong gusto mong gawin sa buhay, nandito lang kami para sayo. Hindi mo kailangang intindihin ang mga bagay na dapat kami ang umiintindi. Para 'yon sa mga matatandang katulad namin. Iba ang sa inyo. Para sa inyong mga bata, ang dapat niyong gawin... ay ang abutin ang pangarap niyo."