Strings of Memory

Chapter 29

I'm not that kind of person.

But I also understand why he said those spiteful words. He's hurting. Just like me.

But understanding it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. His words still stung, and I knew I needed time to heal from the cuts he just inflicted in my heart.

After my talk with them, I busied myself with creating the melodies for the guitar, drums, and keyboard for my song. The melodies I came up with weren't exactly the best—hindi naman kasi 'yun ang forte ko—but they would suffice. Ang mahalaga, makarating sa kanila at maramdaman nila ang message ng kanta.

Once everything was ready, I contacted Youssef and asked him if I could borrow his garage. Pumayag naman siya, saka ako kinamusta. I told him how I've been—how I visited my dad and what I was trying to do right now. He wished me luck, and somehow, that made my heart feel a little lighter.

With the place set, I messaged the three about when I would be performing the song I created.

And now, here we are.

Inayos ko ang nirecord kong melodies ng ibang instruments bago itinuon ang pansin sa bass na nakasukbit sa balikat ko. Itinono ko ito at tinignan ang mga dati kong kabanda.

They were all looking at me, curiosity flickering in their eyes. My heart couldn't help but pound from the nerves.

I sighed. No matter what happens, tatanggapin ko ang magiging resulta nito. Whether they choose to join me or not, wala akong ibang magagawa kundi tanggapin.

Humugot ako ng malalim na paghinga bago sinimulang patugtugin ang nirecord kong instrumentals. Then, I joined in, playing the bass.

Tumapat ako sa microphone at tinignan sila bago ibinuka ang bibig.

"Can light, break this greyish haze and melt away
The snow that freezes over every day?"

Unlike the first time I sang, mas naging madali na ang pagkanta para sa akin.

"The chill won't let me shake the ghost of you
Hey, so won't you tell me what to do?
Before I lose myself, holding on to you?"

Dahan-dahan akong pumikit at ipinagpatuloy ang pagkanta.

"If all of you is all I have
I'm holding nothing in my hands
I reminisce on broken strings
Your fall into eternity"

I wrote this song while thinking about Luna. And I'm singing it now while thinking of her.

"There's no goodbye for you and I
This empty feeling at my side
Is always here with me"

Just like the lyrics say, hindi man lang kami nakapagpaalam sa isa't isa. And the emptiness her death left behind will always remain in my heart—like an imprint.

"It's like I cast a spell I don't know how to break
A curse I can't forgive and can't erase"

It will forever stay with me—these feelings I have for you. And I don't know if there's any chance they will ever be undone.

"I live with my mistakes that cost me you
Hey, so won't you tell me what to say?
You won't come back to me, when I cry out your name"

Kahit tawagin pa kita nang paulit-ulit. Kahit isang daan, kahit isang milyon. Walang magbabago. Kahit magkanda-paos ako.

Dahil wala ka na.

You're already in a place I can't reach. A place far away from here. Kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ka na babalik.

And as if the emotions inside me overflowed, I screamed. With my heart. With everything that I was feeling.

And as I screamed, I felt a tear slip from my eyes.