Strings of Memory

Chapter 28

To my life's soundtrack,

I don't know exactly when it started. All I know is that the first time I heard them, something inside me changed.

I was just a kid back then. A clueless, ordinary kid.

But then, The Reverie happened.

The first time I heard their music, I fell in love.

I wanted to be like them.

I wanted to inspire people through music, the same way they inspired me.

Someday, I'll stand on that big stage too.

And when that day comes, I hope to sing my heart out.

My grip on the notebook tightened.

She's always been so passionate about dream. I could see that in her eyes. But then... knowing that it was cut short hurts.

Pinigilan ko ang muling pamumuo ng luha sa mga mata ko at nilipat ang pahina.

To my life's soundtrack,

What if my dream isn't good enough?

What if I can't make it?

What if... I'll always be stuck in the shadow of someone else?

I love my mom, I do. She's amazing, and I admire her so much. But I don't want to be her. I want to be me.

But no matter where I go, no matter what I do, people always expect me to be like her. They expect me to follow her path, to inherit her passion.

But this is my dream.

Not hers.

And I just... I just want to be me.

My chest tightened. I could almost hear her voice, trembling with uncertainty.

She told me a little about this. About the pressure she was under but reading her thoughts put a weight on my chest and it's making it hard to breathe.

I inhaled sharply before continuing.

To my life's soundtrack,

I think... I've fallen for him.

I don't know when. I don't know how.

All I know is that every time he's near, my heart races.

Every time he does something unexpected, I get flustered.

He's always there. Always appearing at the right time, always lending a hand. Even if he acts cold, I know he's kind. He's warm in his own way.

That's why... I couldn't help but fall for him.

I shut my eyes tightly. The weight in my chest growing heavier by the second.

To my life's soundtrack,

Tomorrow, I'll confess.

I was planning to do it earlier, but I lost my nerve.

But after the performance... after we perform together... I'll tell him.

I'll tell him everything.

Because I don't want to live with regrets.

A tear slipped down my cheek as my heart felt like it was being torn apart by reality. By what could have been. By the regret of not telling her how I really felt. For not cherishing her enough. For taking her for granted.

Dahil ngayon, wala na siya sa mundong 'to. At ang tanging magagawa ko na lang ay magsisi.

If I had known how happy it made her just to hear her name, I would have called her a hundred times. No—a million times. Hanggang sa magsawa siya. I should have been kinder. I should have talked to her more. Spent more time with her. I should have told her how grateful I was. For her. For reviving my dream when I had already given up on it.

And I should have told her how much I loved her.

But I chose to be complacent. I thought we had all the time in the world. Akala ko, hindi siya mawawala. I didn't do anything because I didn't want to ruin the band. I didn't want to risk losing what we had. I believed we would keep our promise to each other—to sing on that stage, in front of so many people.

But that will never happen now. Because she's gone. Forever.

And we will have to live without her.

We will have to carry this pain, unsure if it will ever fade. Or maybe... it never will.

Tuloy-tuloy ang pagbasa ko hanggang sa matapos ko ang diary niya.

At sa dulo nito, natagpuan ko ang sarili kong luhaan.

Tila mas durog pa ang puso ko ngayon.

Pero kasabay ng lahat ng sakit na bumalot sa akin, naramdaman ko rin ang isang bagay—isang bagay na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

It was overwhelming.

The emotions pouring out of me.

The notes playing in my mind.

That same faint note I heard on my way home—ngayon, mas malinaw. Mas malakas.

I wiped my tears and stared at the last words in her diary.

I want to perform with them on that big stage. I want to make my dreams come true with them.

Tinitigan ko ang mga salitang iyon. Habang ang notang pumipintig sa isip ko, palakas nang palakas.

And then, I stood up. I Immediately went to my cabinet where I put my bass and took it out.

Bumalik ako sa study table ko at naupo. Kinuha ko ang notebook na pinagsulatan ko ng linyang pumasok sa isipan ko nang marinig ko ang notang iyon sa isipan ko.

Binasa ko ito.

Then, I picked up a pen.

I don't want her dreams to die.

I don't want my dreams to die.

I don't want our dreams to die.

I don't want it to fade into nothingness. As if it never existed.

I refused to let that happen.

And so, I started to write.

Sinulat ko ang notang matagal nang bumubulong sa isip ko.

And for the first time in a long time...

I let music take control of my life once more.