Strings of Memory

Chapter 28

Pero nang dumating ako sa dulo ng kwento, tila may bumara sa lalamunan ko.

"But when she died, I decided to abandon my dream again."

Ramdam kong nangingilid na naman ang luha sa mata ko.

"And I don't know when I'll be able to pick up my dream again. Or maybe... I won't be able to." Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. "Will you be able to forgive me if I don't manage to pick up my dream again?"

Tahimik.

Nabalot ako ng katahimikan sa loob ng ilang segundo.

Sa loob-loob ko, iniisip ko kung hindi niya nagustuhan ang sinabi ko. Pero bago pa ako tuluyang lamunin ng pagdududa, muli na namang umihip ang hangin. Parehong banayad at marahang hangin na pumawi sa lungkot ko kanina.

Napangiti ako nang kaunti.

"Thank you, Dad. I promise, I'll try my best to move forward. But for now, let me grieve. I haven't been able to grieve properly since you died, and I want to let it all out. So that I can finally face the people who are always there for me. The people who are worried about me... especially Mom."

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkukwento. This time, tungkol naman kay Mommy.

Sinabi ko sa kanya kung paano nagpatuloy si Mommy pagkatapos niyang mawala. Kung paano siya nagpatuloy sa buhay kahit na alam kong mas mahirap iyon para sa kanya.

"She brought the bass you gave me and my other music-related stuff when we moved. I thought she was just doing something unnecessary. But she proved me wrong." Napailing ako nang bahagya. "She did the right thing, and I'm so grateful to her for that. But I know... I know she was disappointed in me for what I did. After all, she saw me let go again. She saw me putting the bass you gave me away... again."

And just like before, the wind blew again.

This time, mas malakas nang bahagya.

Napangiti ako. He's probably scolding me for saying that.

"I'm sorry. I just can't help but be embarrassed at Mom for doing something like that. But I do know that she understands me. She understands me more than anyone else. She understood me... kahit na ako mismo, hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko."

Then, the wind blew again. A lot softer now.

Mula kay Mom, napunta ang usapan namin sa dati niyang mga kabanda.

"Imagine my surprise when I saw Tori. She looked really different now. I also saw Youssef and Harrison, and they didn't change much. But I learned something from them," I sighed.

"You didn't tell me that you liked Tanya before. I was so shocked when I learned about it. Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala noong una. Pinagtatawanan pa nga nung dalawa yung reaksyon ko, pero nang tanungin ko si Mommy... totoo naman pala."

Nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagkukwento.

Sinabi ko sa kanya ang lahat ng nangyari sa loob ng tatlong taon. Ang lahat ng hindi ko nasabi noon. Ang lahat ng mga bagay na hindi ko na nasabi pa. Hanggang sa hindi ko namalayan, maghapon na pala akong naroon.

Mabigat man ang loob, tumayo ako. Tinitigan ko ang puntod niya at marahang napangiti.

"Thank you for listening to my ramblings, Dad. It really has been a while. Sobrang dami kong naikuwento sayo."

Huminga ako nang malalim.

"I'll surely come back here. And I'll make sure na kasama ko na noon si Mommy."

Nilingon ko pa siya isang beses bago ako lumakad palayo.

"Well then... I have to go now. I love you, Dad."