Strings of Memory

Chapter 28

"You already have the key to our house kaya may matutuluyan ka na doon. But please... please be careful."

Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.

"I will. See you tomorrow, Mom," sabi ko bago lumabas ng pinto.

Alam kong nag-aalala siya, but I had to do this. Matagal ko na itong ipinagpapaliban, but I couldn't keep running away. I needed to face this. I needed to talk to him-Dad.

I knew he wouldn't respond. Alam kong puntod na lang niya ang kakausapin ko. But I still wanted to do it.

Pagdating ko sa sementeryo, lumuhod ako sa harap ng puntod niya at maingat kong inilagay ang dala kong bulaklak. Kinuha ko ang posporo sa bulsa ko at sinindihan ang kandilang bitbit ko.

"Hey... Dad."

Pinaglaruan ko ang mga daliri ko habang nakatingin sa pangalan niya sa lapida.

"It's been a while. Three years na simula nang mawala ka... and so many things have happened."

Napahinto ako. Napalunok.

"After you died..." huminga ako nang malalim, pilit na pinipigilan ang pagbagsak ng luha ko, "...I stopped playing the bass."

Tahimik akong napangiti, pero ramdam ko ang pait sa likod nun. Damn. Hearing myself say it out loud made it feel so much more real. This was the first time in three years na kinakausap ko siya. At kahit tatlong taon na ang lumipas, it still hurt.

Muli akong napalunok at napahawak sa batok ko. "Yeah... Your coward son decided to let go of the one thing that connects the two of us. I let go of the bass that we both loved so much. Because I... I was scared. I was scared of getting hurt."

Humugot ako ng malalim na paghinga.

"I'm sorry for doing that. I know you must've been disappointed. And I'm truly sorry for doing it again."

Napayuko ako, tinitigan ang kandila na unti-unting nauubos.

"I'm sorry for putting it away... again. It's just that... I was hurt by what happened. It felt like I was losing you all over again."

Ramdam ko ang pamumuo ng luha sa mata ko. Pero imbes na punasan iyon ay hinayaan ko lang itong tumulo.

"I-I'm sorry, Dad," nauutal kong sabi bago humikbi.

"I-I kept finding something to love, only for me to abandon it at the end because I was hurt. I'm such a coward."

At tuluyan na akong bumigay. Hinayaan ko lang ang sarili kong umiyak sa harap niya, sa harap ng puntod niya, na para bang maririnig pa niya ako.

Hanggang sa biglang umihip ang hangin.

It wasn't strong. It was soft. Gentle. Parang gusto akong yakapin. Parang gusto akong i-comfort.

At alam kong siya 'yun.

Napangiti ako sa gitna ng pag-iyak.

"T-thank you, Dad."

Thank you for comforting me. Thank you for understanding me. Just like everyone else around me.

Nang mapakalma ko na ang sarili, muling bumalik ang tingin ko sa puntod niya at nagpatuloy sa pakikipag-usap.

"When I let go of my dream after you died, I thought I would never be able to pick it up again. That's how broken I was by your sudden death. But someone came along," patuloy ko, ang tinig ko bahagyang nanginginig.

"She made me want to dream again."
Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko bago nagpatuloy sa kwento ko.

I told him how I met her. How I was annoyed at her at first. How she managed to drag me along with her dream. How I felt when I first heard her sing. How I felt when we first performed. How I made a promise with her. How I ended up singing at the school festival. And how... I fell in love with her.