Strings of Memory

Chapter 26

Kaagad niyang ibinaba ang bag niya sa sahig at napaluhod sa harapan ko, leveling himself with me.

"Sinong may gawa sayo nito?!" Tanong niya, mababakas ang galit sa boses niya.

His hands balled into fists. His whole body was tense—tensed with rage, with frustration.

Pero hindi ako sumagot. I just kept looking at him.

Kay Elliot.

Pinagmasdan ko ang mukha niya. It's been so long since I last saw him. Three weeks na ba simula noong huli kaming nagkita sa burol ni Luna?

Hindi ko kinayang pumunta sa libing niya. Kahit pa dapat, andun ako. Dapat, nagpaalam ako nang maayos.

I bet Elliot's mad at me for not going. He messaged me nonstop that day. His voice messages were full of frustration, full of anger, full of—

Worry.

Napakagat ako sa pang ibabang labi.

I don't deserve that.

After what I did on the last time I saw them. After leaving them without a word, without telling them why.

I really don't deserve their worry.

I left them hanging.

I left them when they are still talking about what to do with their dreams. About what we should do as a group.

While I?

I discarded mine.

Like it meant nothing. Just because it hurt.

I threw it away. Like a coward.

I'm such a coward for doing that to them. I don't deserve to be their friend.

Then, my gaze dropped to what he was wearing. A track and field jersey.

Ah. So he went back.

He stopped chasing his dreams, too.

What about Rive? What about Zeira? Tumigil na rin ba sila?

A pang of guilt shot through me.

Did they stop because I left without talking to any of them?

Seeing Elliot here, looking so worried about me, made my chest feel heavy. Para bang bawat salita niya, bawat tingin niya, kutsilyong paulit-ulit akong tinatarakan sa dibdib.

Napalunok ako.

"You shouldn't care," mahina kong sabi.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "What are you talking about?! You look so beat up!"

I looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Ayokong makita ang pag-aalala doon.

"Stop caring," I muttered.

"What?" Naguguluhan niyang tanong.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga, gathering every ounce of numbness left in my body before saying, "You shouldn't care about me. Kahit mamatay ako ngayon, it shouldn't be your concern. It's none of your business."

I forced myself to look at him, to meet his gaze.

The worry in his eyes vanished.

And in its place—anger.

That's better.

Mas kaya ko pang makita ang galit sa mga mata niya kaysa sa pag-aalala.

"You shouldn't give a damn about me."

The moment those words left my lips, his fury exploded.

Mabilis niyang hinila ang kuwelyo ko, and before I could react—

A punch.

A strong, painful punch.

This time, unlike the ones I received earlier, I actually felt it.

A sharp, throbbing pain spread through my jaw as my body nearly fell back from the impact.

Elliot stood up, chest rising and falling rapidly, his fists still clenched.

His whole body was trembling—out of anger, out of frustration, out of something I couldn't quite name.

He took a sharp breath, trying to compose himself.

"I know that you're suffering right now," sabi niya gamit ang kalmadong boses.

That was worse.

That calmness—that was worse than his anger.

"We all are suffering with what happened. We all are! And I'm your friend, Wynther! That's why I'm worried about you!"

His voice cracked slightly, his emotions slipping through the cracks.

"You shouldn't have said that. We both know Luna wouldn't like this. She wouldn't want to see you like this—self-destructing."

May diin sa bawat salita niya.

Kinuha niya ang bag niya sa sahig, tumalikod, pero bago siya tuluyang lumakad palayo ay may sinabi siya na muling sumaksak sa puso ko.

"I shouldn't have cared."

And then, he left.

Naiwan akong nakatingin lang sa papalayong pigura niya.

That's right, Elliot. You shouldn't have cared about me.

Nang tuluyan siyang mawala sa paningin ko, I forced myself to stand up and started walking home.

I could feel people staring as I passed by. Some looked concerned, others curious. Pero hindi ko sila pinansin. Tuloy lang ako sa paglalakad.

Pagkauwi ko, halos agad akong sinalubong ni Mommy.

"Wynther! Anong nangyari sayo?!"

Her voice was high-pitched, panicked.

I barely reacted. Instead, inabot ko lang sa kanya ang pinabili niya. I was about to go straight to my room when I felt her grip on my arm.

She pulled me down onto the couch. Walang sabi-sabing umalis saglit, then came back holding a first aid kit. Naupo siya sa tabi ko at walang tanong-tanong na sinimulang gamutin ang mga sugat ko.

Tahimik lang ako habang pinagmamasdan ang mukha niyang puno ng pag-aalala at... galit.

And then, I thought of Elliot again.

His voice, his face, his words replayed in my mind.

"I'm your friend, that's why I'm worried about you."

"Luna wouldn't like this."

"I shouldn't have cared."

Something inside me cracked.

Before I knew it, tears were falling down my face.

Mabilis ko iyong pinunasan, pero nagulat ako nang biglang hilahin ako ni Mommy sa isang mahigpit na yakap.

I froze.

Her warmth, her presence, the soft, soothing way she rubbed my back—it shattered whatever wall I had been trying to build around myself.

The dam broke.

I let out a choked sob, gripping onto her like she was the only thing keeping me from falling apart completely.

"Shh... It's okay. Just let it all out," she whispered, voice soft, comforting.

And I did.

I broke down right there in her arms.

"I-It hurts, Mom," I admitted in a broken whisper.

Mas humigpit ang yakap niya.

"It's the first step towards healing." She whispered.

And for the first time in weeks, I allowed myself to believe her.