Tame My Heart... Or Else

Chapter 42 - Part 1

I closed my eyes to steady myself. Rosie's smiling face swam in my mind. Laughing. Glowing. Alive. All our memories, from our first encounter in the clothes store, to where we had finally said goodbye, flooded my thoughts. Her scowling at me. Holding Brent's hand. Standing up for me. Being my friend.

Sacrificing herself for me, so I might have a chance to survive.

I was such a coward. I should have shot the wolf first, so they would have come for me instead. She had so much to live for. Her father, Kane.... Who did I have? I had pushed Brent so far away, again and again. It should have been me who was killed. Kane loved her, and she loved him. I was a monster to have let her take her life away.

"Get me away from here." I sobbed, my words coming out in an indistinct jumble, praying that Wes would understand. And even if he didn't get my exact words, he got the message. I felt him grab my arm, and started to tug me out of the street, away from Kane's whimpers.

My tears blurred my vision again, and I stumbled along the road, clutching the walls for support. Wes' hand left my arm and supported my waist instead when he saw that I was about to collapse. We crossed a brightly lit street, and hurried into the darkness of a smaller alley.

I shook off Wes' arm, and slid down against the damp wall. I could feel the wetness soaking into my clothes, but at the moment it just helped me cool down a bit.

"I'm slowing you down." I croaked finally, looking up at a watchful Wes. "You should go."

He looked down at me in shock. "And leave you here? I'd rather die." he scoffed.

"I'll be fine." I said fiercely, brushing my hair out of my eyes. "You need to go help other people, you don't have to babysit me."

"You're barely able to walk. You'll be caught in minutes."

"I don't care."

Wes crouched down in front of me, forcing me to look straight at him. His eyes probing, he asked, "Liza... you're not trying to get yourself killed, are you?"

I should have answered no. Of course not. How could he even think that? Of course I was going to keep on living and fighting as long as I could. But my mind and heart were swirling in different directions. Was there really any point living in a world full of all this hatred, and pain, and death? Even if this ended with me surviving, could I really live with myself? With the things I had seen? Witnessed? Or the guilt that I knew was never going to leave me?

So I stayed silent.

"No, no, no.... Liza, no." Wes groaned, and I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see his pleading eyes. He couldn't change my mind. I wouldn't let him.

A sharp stinging shot through my cheek.

My eyes shot open, and my hands rose to cup my burning skin. Wes was standing now, his eyes burning with rage, his hands trembling at his sides.

"You slapped me." I whispered in disbelief, nursing my red cheek. A warm tear trickled over my hand.

"How could you even think of killing yourself?" Wes exploded, his voice deafening in the night. "Do you really think, that all the things people have done for you, was so you could just go off and kill yourself when things got too hard? Grow up! Stop being such a selfish baby! Did Rosie sacrifice herself for any reason? No, she did it for you! So you could live! And now you're just going to throw that away! You ungrateful b-"

"Stop!"

My voice rang out through the alley, echoing. I was on my feet now, my whole body trembling with anger. How dare he? How dare he?