Hold Me Close | Kellic

Chapter 38

TWO CHAPTERS LEFT

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JUSTIN'S P.O.V

I was panicking now. I wasn't sure as to what there was left for us to do. One by one we were quickly being taken down by either Hell or Heaven. There had been a few of Heaven's army who agreed to listen to what we had to say as we fought and believed that we had no intention of fighting them and so almost obliged to fighting along side us however they had no idea who, from Hell, were one of us or who were an enemy. None of them wanted to disobey the orders they were given anyway.

Our numbers were quickly dying so by every second that ticked past, the more responsibility was handed over to myself and the few hundred who remained on the side of Vic and Kellin. To me, that seemed like rather a handful to say and really ought to be shortened. With many dying and even less going strong, there were also those who gave in to cowardice. I witnessed those ones myself. They'd be met face to face with the sword of the foe and in the split second between sharing the light of this world and abandoning their temporary freedom away from Hell on the battle field to going back to being nothing more than a mere soul whose met death one time too many, they would cry. Cry for it to stop. Cry that they didn't want to die again. Cry that even though there was no matter of importance left of their non-existent existence, they feared what they'd meet if they let death capture them for a second time.

I don't blame them.

And so they'd oh so willingly hand themselves over to the ones who only moments before were oh so willing to not give a damn about them and wipe them off the face of the earth, just to spare their own lives that were no longer dependant on or required the use of oxygen. To have a will and mindset as weak as that would be something that I'd feel shame for regardless of the situation. If I were in such a state that I'd wouldn't even let hesitation confront my decision before I surrendered my loyalty to the ones who had already fought and already died just to bathe in the selfishness of saving myself for a reason that wasn't quite visible, then I doubt I'd feel as though I'd be worth the effort of saving.

After all, the cause of this battle was for a single Angel to be saved. That wasn't me though, so for what need would I need saving if I were less than a centimetre away from the tip of a blade? The traitors who gave freedom to their narcissistic driven, sudden duty of rescuing themselves were not that one Angel therefore they shouldn't need saving either. The knowledge that they were putting their absent lives on the line for this Angel and the agreement of setting foot on the battlefield showed commitment that they obviously couldn't keep. That didn't deserve saving.

Baring that in mind, those were the Demons that I went for. The instant I made eye contact with a deserter, my sword would be flung and they wouldn't be there to make eye contact with no longer. I chased and hunted them down because they filled me with so much hatred that it was enough to fuel me no matter how many wounds I collected along the way. These scars would be a momentum of the time that I was of use for once.

I wasn't sure how my mind had spurred such thoughts of self loathing desire to pity myself whilst I avoided dying just so I could stay 'alive' for someone else's sake. Maybe the moment a friend really, truly died right in front of my very own eyes, something clicked. A trigger that hadn't been set off before and to be greeted as a new companion along side the determination to kill.

Or could it have just been the beginnings of insanity because I was pretty certain that no one was dead yet. We were all here. All fighting. All wanting something. Those were very much human traits. We certainly all weren't alive but maybe not quite yet dead either.

That meant that Jack wasn't dead. No, of course he wasn't dead because once you've stopped living then the only ridiculous consequence is that you don't meet death rather you are left to face the unknown worlds of above or below where pain and torture will follow you and the people dearest to you. Jack was just taking a temporary break from that.