Fire and Ice

Choosing Day

I woke up early so I can write letters to my mom and dad as I knew my decision was going to make me an outcast as soon as I make it. Afterwards, I put my hair up into a sleek pony tail and put on blue pants along with my blue jacket and blouse. I smelled pancakes which made me break out into a smile as I ran downstairs attacking the stack that was sat in front of me. My mom laughed as I smiled at her like a little kid. She then proceeded to sob as if knowing I was leaving and I stood up with a concerned look on my face and hugged her as she hugged back and kissed my forehead "My little Jade... I can still remember the day you were born like it was yesterday" she sighed and then went on even more "No matter what you choose today, I will always love you" She smiled at me and my dad joined in on the hug "and so will I" and I let the tears fall "I love you both so much" and we stayed hugged one last time as we then ate and proceeded to downtown.

We step into the room where I will decide the rest of my life.

The room is arranged in concentric circles. On the edges stand the sixteen-year-olds of every faction. We are not called members yet; our decisions today will make us initiates, and we will become members if we complete initiation.

We arrange ourselves in alphabetical order, according to the last names we may leave behind today. I stand between an Amity girl and a Dauntless Boy.

Rows of chairs for our families make up the next circle. They are arranged in five sections, according to faction. Not everyone in each faction comes to the Choosing Ceremony, but enough of them come that the crowd looks huge.

The responsibility to conduct the ceremony rotates from faction to faction each year, and this year is Dauntless's turn. Gradually people fill the room, those who are about to choose standing in a square at the edge, those watching sitting in the chairs in the middle. The doors close, and there's a moment of quiet as the council representative from Dauntless moves to the podium. Max is his name. He wraps his fingers around the edge of the podium, and I can see, even from here, that his knuckles are bruised. I know he will give the opening address and read the names in reverse alphabetical order.

In the last circle are five metal bowls so large they could hold my entire body. Each one contains a substance that represents each faction: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor.

When Max calls my name, I will walk to the center of the three circles. I will not speak. He will offer me a knife. I will cut into my hand and sprinkle my blood into the bowl of the faction I choose.

My blood sizzling on the coals.

Before my parents sit down, they stand in front of me. My father kisses my forehead, grinning.

My mother hugs me, and what little resolve I have left almost breaks. I clench my jaw and stare up at the ceiling, where globe lanterns hang and fill the room with blue light. She holds me for what feels like a long time, even after I let my hands fall. Before she pulls away, she turns her head and whispers in my ear, "Remember, We love you. No matter what." I frown as they turn away and find a seat, They know what I'm doing, it's been obvious all this time. I didn't belong here.

Max stands at the podium between the Erudite and the Dauntless and takes charge immediately. "Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony," Max says, his deep voice filling the room easily. He doesn't need the microphone; his voice is loud enough and strong enough to penetrate my skull and wrap around my brain. "Today you will choose your factions. Until this point you have followed your parents' paths, your parents' rules. Today you will find your own path, make your own rules."

"A long time ago our ancestors realized that each of us, each individual, was responsible for the evil that exists in the world. But they didn't agree on exactly what that evil was," Max says. "Some said that it was dishonesty. . . ."

I think of the lies I have told, year after year. I knew that was never in my cards.

"Some said that it was ignorance, some aggression. . . ."

The Amity exchange smiles. They are dressed comfortably, in red or yellow. Every time I see them, they seem kind, loving, free. But joining them has never been an option for me either. I looked at my parents as they smirked and agreed but I knew I wasn't made for Erudite with them either.

"Some said selfishness was the cause."

I blame cowardice and disobedience.

"And the last group said that it was cowardice that was to blame."

I smiled as A few hoots rise up from the Dauntless section, and the rest of the Dauntless laugh.

"That is how we came by our factions: Candor, Erudite, Amity, Abnegation, and Dauntless." Max smiles. "In them we find administrators and teachers and counselors and leaders and protectors. In them we find our sense of belonging, our sense of community, our very lives." He clears his throat. "Enough of that. Let's get to it. Come forward and get your knife, then make your choice. First up, Zellner, Gregory."

I think of the motto I read in my Faction History textbook: Faction before blood. More than family, our factions are where we belong.

One by one, each sixteen-year-old steps out of line and walks to the middle of the room. The first boy to choose decides on Amity, the same faction from which he came. I watch his blood droplets fall on soil, and he stands behind their seats alone.

The room is constantly moving, a new name and a new person choosing, a new knife and a new choice. I recognize most of them, but I doubt they know me.

I hear my name being called and I hold in a breath as I make my way up, I see Eric look at me and nod his head as if he knew and I nodded back at him. I make my way to the five bowls and take the knife from Max as he smiles on at me and I smile back and nod. I stare at the bowls with 2 in mind.. Do I stay in Erudite? or do I begin a new life in Dauntless??

I hold the knife in my right hand and touch the blade to my palm. Gritting my teeth, I drag the blade down. It stings, but I barely notice and my next breath shudders on the way out.

I open my eyes, hold my head up high and thrust my arm out.  Then, with a gasp I can't contain, I shift my hand forward, and my blood sizzles on the coals.

I am selfish. I am brave.

I am dauntless.

I hear gasps behind me from my home faction as Dauntless erupts into cheers.I look up at Max as his smile widens and claps his hand and I turn around and smile, making my way to my new life as a dauntless boy stands up shaking my hand, welcomes me to dauntless and offers me his chair. I smile and thank him and sit down to watch everyone else.

Lilly and Tony stay in Erudite. An abnegation boy who's father is leadership there walked up and looked at his father, cut his hand and chose Dauntless as well causing an even bigger commotion than I did. Eric chose Dauntless as well causing me to grin as he sat next to me. "I knew you couldn't resist me nose" I smirked as he smiled back at me "Couldn't let you have all the fun nose" he replied and we just soaked in the new people around us.