Snippets

Snippet #30

Every time I see all your faces, I see nothing but guilt. All I see is the person I used to be and everything that I want to forget. 

You smile at me and for a second I believe that maybe we have moved past all that we were. But you have the cruelest way of reminding me. Subtle, yet a straight stab to exactly where you know it would hurt. 

I've brought myself down so many time, told myself that I deserved everything that came to me because of the person I used to be. I've tried to be better, to forget, and to smile like everybody else does.

But why am I the only person who has to suffer?

Did all of you not treat me just as bad? Even after everything, are you not the one driving the knife deeper and deeper? I had enough on my plate. Why did you have to pile on and treat me even worse despite being the ones I trusted most? 

I've told myself that I'm just making excuses for my behaviour, and it has taken me this long to realize that I'm not. I'm not making excuses. I've owned up to my mistakes, I've beat myself up over it again and again. But I'm done. 

All I want is an apology. I'm not the only one in the wrong.