Snippets

Snippet #5

I'm too scared to talk to you. Usually, I don't have to think twice before I do something I want to do. But with you, oh with you. I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what to say. Am I saying the right thing? What if I say something that makes you hate me? 

I am the once talkative, now tongue-tied. What have you done to me?

So instead, I watch you from afar. Watch you as you talk and laugh with your friends. Watch as you sneak glances at me the way I do at you. Do you think I'm annoying? Or do you want to talk to me too? Tell me what you mean by those glances. I don't have the heart to jump to conclusions again.

I am the once sure, now confused. What have you done to me?

I watch as you speak to your friends when it hits me. I have only heard your voice once, and I don't remember anymore. I want to hear it again. Again and again, till I commit it to my memory. I have never seen your smile nor have I ever heard your laugh. I haven't heard the way you speak about the things you're passionate about. But I want to. God, I want to. I want to hear your voice, your laugh, the smiles in your voice, and the cracks. I want to know.

I am the once unbothered, now bothered by all that you do. What have you done to me?

I'm not the quietest person when I talk. Unlike you. And I know. I know that you can hear me. When you're around, I quiet down. Because I'm afraid. Do you hate my voice? The way I laugh? Do you hate the things I say? The way I talk? I want to know. But I hope you don't tell me.

I am the once unwavered , now wavering in place. What have you done to me?

I drop hints about the things I like, hoping that you would notice. Tell me, do you notice? Do you like the same things as me? Do you think I'm weird for liking the things that I do? Tell me, what do you like? What are your favorites in the world? Tell me, I want to know.

I am the once uncaring, now wanting to know. What have you done to me?

I watch you silently from afar. I see the way you lean back on the chair as you face forward. The way you lean forward when you do your work. The way you bounce your leg once in a while, and how you lean on your hand when you get bored. I see how pretty your eyelashes are from the side, your haircut and your eyes. God, your eyes. I can never hold eye contact with you, ever. They're not mine to look at. And if I look at them too long, I'm afraid I won't know how to look away.

I am the one ignored and nonexistent in your life. Tell me, will you let me in? 

I am the one slowly cutting myself from people, but for you, I will make all the space in the world.

What have you done to me?