Strings of Memory

Chapter 22

"The same reason as you," sagot ko.

She frowned. "May sasabihin din siya sayo?" Nagtataka niyang tanong.

She looks really confused right now and doesn't understand what's really happening.

My jaw clenched. Elliot. That idiot.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at tinitigan ang deskmate ko na kinuha ang cellphone at mukhang balak i-chat si Elliot.

I stared at her and let my mind wander to her and to what Elliot said.

Should I really do what he said? What would I even gain from doing that? Me and my deskmate aren't that close for her to feel the same way. I'm not scared of rejection. I'm more scared of what will happen after I confess. It will affect the band, and I don't want that to happen. It's something we all wanted. It's something we've always wished for, and now that we finally found one another, I have no plans of ruining that.

"H-hey."

Natauhan ako nang marinig ang boses ng deskmate ko.

She was looking at me, fiddling with her fingers as if trying to figure out the right words. She seemed to be contemplating something-debating whether or not she should say what's been bothering her.

"What?" Tanong ko, trying to sound nonchalant but clearly curious.

She took a deep breath, as if preparing herself, then opened her mouth. But no words came out, so she just closed it again. She sighed softly, a little frustrated, and tried once more.

"I-I..." Nauutal niyang sabi, her voice almost barely audible.

Hinintay ko siyang magpatuloy, but she kept avoiding my gaze, swallowing several times like she was gathering her thoughts.

Humugot muli siya ng malalim na paghinga bago ibalik ang tingin sa akin.

"W-when will you start calling me by my name?" Nauutal niyang tanong.

Natigilan ako. I wasn't expecting that.

"We've known each other for many months now, and you haven't called my name once. Palaging 'hey, you' or 'woman,' pero tinatawag mo naman sila Rive sa mga pangalan nila," she continued, clearly a little hurt. Her face scrunched up into a pout, and I could see how that simple thing had been bothering her more than I thought.

"Sabihin mo sa akin. Hindi mo ba alam ang pangalan ko?" Tanong niya, her eyes now wide and almost accusatory.

I stared at her for a moment, my mind blank. That's stupid. Of course, I know her name. I know it very well.

I didn't answer right away. I just kept staring at her, my mind processing the weight of her words. Her eyes slowly dropped to the ground, her energy deflating as she went quiet, her face softening into a look of disappointment. And that's when it hit me-she was actually hurt.

Is she that sad because I never called her by her name? Nakaramdam ako ng pagbigat sa dibdib ko. I hurt her because of something so stupid. I was being stubborn by not calling her name and I never realized how much it might have hurt her. My refusal to call her by her name felt like I was somehow rejecting her, like I didn't see her for who she really was.

It's just that... I feel like I'll fall for her even more if I call her name. I know it sounds so dumb-so stupid, and I feel so lame for thinking that way.

She cleared her throat, breaking the silence. "Or... maybe may galit ka sa akin? Do you... hate me?" Tanong niya, her voice barely a whisper now, almost afraid of the answer.

"No!" Mabilis kong sagot. "I don't hate you."

Biglang nabuhayan ang mga mata niya, her face lighting up at my response. "Really?"

"Yes. I don't hate you," sabi ko habang umiiling.

She let out a sigh, at unti-unting namuo ang isang matamis na ngiti sa mga labi niya na nagpabilis sa tibok ng puso ko.

She looks so... breathtaking. In that moment, I forgot how to breathe.

I quickly cleared my throat, forcing my attention elsewhere as I tried to compose myself. I couldn't just sit there, feeling like an idiot. Tumayo ako, trying to act like nothing happened, but she watched me, confused and still processing what we had just talked about.

"A-aalis ka na?" Tanong niya, her voice tinged with anxiety, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Elliot won't come. He's just playing a prank on us." Sabi ko, hoping to defuse the awkwardness.

Napatayo siya, shocked. "What?!" She exclaimed, her eyes wide in disbelief.

Tumango ako. "It looks like he planned this with Rive."

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya. "Yung dalawa talaga na 'yon! Lagot sila sa akin bukas!" Naiinis niyang sabi habang nakakuyom ang kamao, her hand raised like she was ready to punch something.

Lihim akong napangiti. It was so cute to see her like that.

When she caught me smiling, she stopped and stared at me for a moment. I quickly cleared my throat and looked away, pretending I wasn't blushing like an idiot.

"S-so, let's just go home." Sabi ko at naglakad papunta sa pinto. Pero tumigil ako nang hindi ko naramdaman ang pagsunod niya.

Lumingon ako at nakita siyang nakatulala lang sa akin. Her expression was unreadable, and I felt a little nervous.

Napabuntong hininga ako, the weight of the moment suddenly hitting me.

"Let's go," I said softly, almost too softly. Then I paused and added, almost as a whisper, "Luna."