My Chieftess... ✨Scripted✨ version

Episode 3: Something Rotten on Berserker Island

Snotlout: It's all risky, Gustav. Where's the super apprentice Dagur's been bragging about?

Gustav: Well, I'm just much better with my dragon.

Snotlout: Oh, really? You're stronger and more confident with a fire-breathing, flying war machine?!

Gustav: Yeah.

Snotlout: Oh, okay. Well, we all are, Guster. But they aren't here. How do you think I feel having you instead of Hookfang? Now, grow some hair on that barren, scrawny chest of yours and just do what I tell you. Have you guys seen the Dragon Riders? Oh, wait. I'm a Dragon Rider. Go! Now!

Gustav: I got this, I got this. Snotlout! Snotlout!

Snotlout: Apprentice, my-

Hiccup: Hey, hey! Hey, hey.

Tuffnut: Who would have thought that on Berserker Island, the people would be normal and the dragons crazy?

Hiccup: I've never seen him like this.

Fishlegs: Well, there was the Red Death. That made him act all weird.

Hiccup: True.

Fishlegs: And Melody Island. And there was that time he ate that eel and started shooting at you.

Hiccup: Okay, fine. Fishlegs, I have rarely seen him like this.

Fishlegs: Sorry, Hiccup. Perhaps the dragons have an allergy to some flora on the island. Maybe there's some wild Dragon Root around here. I can gather samples.

Heather: Uh. Look, we don't have time to figure this out. Dagur is in danger. Our whole island is in danger.

Astrid: Not to mention Snotlout and Gustav.

Bodil: Only Thor knows what those two have gotten themselves into.

Dagur: Om. Breathe in the light, let out the darkness. I'm centered and calm. Om.

Gustav: I got caught on purpose.

Dagur: Double breath of fire. Om.

Gustav: This plan was Snotlout's, not mine.

Dagur: Om. You know what the third eye is, Gustav? Of course you don't. When one is focused on the third eye, one is meditating, and it's unearthly impolite to interrupt said third eye seeker.

Gustav: Okay, see ya, third eye.

Dagur: Om. Om. Om.

Berserker Soldier: What was that? Well, this doesn't look safe.

Snotlout: Excuse me, I was wondering if you could tell me where I could find Savage. Snotlout! I could watch that all day.

Dagur: Om.

Snotlout: Well, hello. Fancy meeting you two here. You should've seen the way the Snotman took out those guards. It was beautiful. Poetry in motion.

Dagur: Well, now, now. Uh. Gustav deserves a little credit, now. He did bore those guards to sleep with his long, long story.

Gustav: Huh? Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Snotlout: What?

Gustav: So long.

Snotlout: Oh, my Thor.

Hiccup: Savage's men are everywhere. If the dragons are sick, we can't risk taking them into battle.

Heather: I'm a Berserker, Hiccup. Dragon or no dragon, I'm bringing back my brother.

Tuffnut: Give it to me! I want it.

Ruffnut: Come on, give it!

Berserker Soldier: Fire!

Snotlout: Over here!

Gustav: We're trapped! What do we do?

Dagur: Like my great-uncle Haggard used to say, "There we were, three against a thousand." Why doesn't anyone else think that's funny? Anyhoo, if my calculations are correct, it's us against 20 or so of Savage's men. We go seven apiece, Berserker-style.

Snotlout: Me likey.

Dagur: On my count. One. Two.

Gustav: Wait! We-we can't. I mean, I can't.

Dagur: You can't what?

Gustav: I'm not the super apprentice you think I am. I cheated on all the history tests. I was lip-syncing when everyone was singing the Berserker songs. And I never learned a single fighting technique. Look, I'm a terrible apprentice.

Snotlout: I knew it!

Dagur: Come here. You don't think I knew that, Snotpit? The kid's only here because Stoick needed a break from the little beast. The entire apprentice program is made-up. A sham.

Gustav: I'm terrible.

Snotlout: He is not even close to being ready for this.

Dagur: Negative, Snotrider.

Snotlout: Look, can you please stop messing with my name? I know you know it.

Dagur: Aww. But it's so fun. Fine. I'll do my best. Two against 20?

Snotlout: Could be worse. Snotlout!

Berserker Soldier 1: Huh?

Savage: Dragon Riders! Oh, no, you don't! Stand down! All of you.

Dagur: Ah, it's a good day to be me.

Savage: I still hate your laugh.

Dagur: Shut up! This trophy goes to the most deserving Viking in the land, a Viking that exemplifies what it truly means to be a Berserker.

Snotlout: It's fake anyway. I don't care.

Dagur: Unfortunately, it's not you, Gusthat. Snotlout, get up here and take what is rightfully yours.

Snotlout: Oh, Thor!

Crowd: Whoo-hoo! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Snotlout: Welcome to the Hat family, pal.

Crowd: Yeah! All right! Snotlout!

Snotlout: Oh, my Thor! You like me, you really like me!

Hiccup: Well, Snotlout, pretty pleased with yourself, huh?

Snotlout: To be named the baddest, smartest, craziest Viking in and outside the archipelago? Uh, yeah. And I got the proof right here. Yeah! What?! "Snotknuckles?!" He wrote Snotknuckles?!