aries: rode a fucking motorcycle in
taurus: took satan out to dinner so satan let them into the hell squad
gemini: has been apart of satan's squad all along, passing him evil secrets abt the other signs
cancer: they were on the path to b in heaven then they fucked it up in the very end and ended up in hell idk how
leo: "hell is the new thing, everyone's going there now"
virgo: they need things clean in hell too ya know
libra: was in heaven then fucked up and dated one of the devils from hell and it ended badly
scorpio: is satan
sagittarius: with aries man, fuckin shit up
capricorn: too cold and calculating for heaven, evil geniuses belong together in hell
aquarius: bribed the devils who guard the entrance w weed, even tho they didn't have to
pisces: fell in love w satan, they're a beautiful couple
*it's all a joke guys so b chill
