Purely Arrogant | ✓

Chapter 3: Exhalation

What if I couldn't breathe?

What if I die due to lack of air.

I think I heard someone shout my name, I think it was Eliza.

I tried to calm down, placing my hands on my desk, but everything began disappearing from in front of me. Pins and needles travelled down my arms, numbing them completely.

I wasn't in contact with anything that could link me to the real world.

A strangled sob escaped by mouth as I began shaking, my hands trembling. I tried to take slow deep breaths, but I couldn't stop hyperventilating The room began spinning and I knew I needed to get out of the room before I fainted or something. I stood up, almost tripping over the chair as I sprinted out of the room, clutching the wall for support. I could faintly hear the commotion that was happening back in the room, and I think I heard Eliza ask to leave the room.

I was far too gone to actually know.

Take one breath in and take one breath out.

As soon as I escaped the room, I saw the empty hallway, which calmed my mind a little bit. I leaned against the wall, lifting both legs against my chest and clutching onto them as my head slowly stopped spinning.

I lost all contact with the real world.

**********************************

I don't remember how long the panic attack lasted, I remembered opening my eyes to Eliza, who looked terrified.

"You didn't tell me the panic attacks were that bad" she whispered, the fear evident in her eyes.

"I didn't know they were" I lied

"Bullshit" She snapped

"This was the worst one. It was because of the claustrophobia" I muttered looking down

"You're supposed to be able to tell me anything"

"Eliza" I sighed

"No! Mom's been telling that you've been getting nightmares almost every day of the holidays. You told me they stopped" She accused.

"They di-"

"Juliette don't lie to me!" She looked frustrated and terrified at the same time. "Have you even been to therapy since I left? The truth."

"No"

"Why?" She questioned, almost as if she was going to cry

"Eliza I feel sick"

"Why didn't you tell me the panic attacks were that bad? Was this the first?" She questioned.

I shook my head.

"Juliette"

"I get them after my nightmares."

"For how long now?"

"A few months"

"How long Juliette?"

"7 months"

"Why didn't I know?" She was crying now.

I felt like the worst best friend ever.

"I didn't want to worry you"

"You're supposed to be able to tell me anything. You're my best friend"

"Eliza. I love you. But there are things that I can't tell anyone" I whispered looking down at the ground. I was sat perched up against the wall, and I don't know how long it lasted but I suspected that I needed to get back in the room.