Married at first sight *l.t*

•15•

Louis

"So are you going to tell us what the fuck that was," Harry frowned, glaring at me.

"Honestly I have no idea. Every time something is going good between us I have to go fuck it up like always. I don't like the idea that this is my ending. Me and her, together, I can't do it," I confessed holding my head down in shame.

"So what, you're afraid of commitment or something?" Lila asked but it sounded more like a comment.

"No I'm fine with commitment. It's just... Commitment with the wrong person. I want to be committed to someone I love eternally. I don't think I'll ever love Ryana like that because every time we are together and we are having a good time I get angry. I get angry because I'm stuck with this person that I have to pretend to love. Someone that will probably fall for me and get heartbroken when I don't fall back," I sighed going to the living room to sit down.

"Why are you so sure Ryana is going to fall for you? She is in the same boat. She could so easily feel the same," Lila gritted her teeth.

"She'll fall for me, I'm not just saying that because I have a big ego, I say that because she is already falling. It's so clear even a blind man sees it."

"So what's your plan, just keep being a dick to her until she stops trying?" Lila asked.

"I don't know! I'm having a hard time as it trying to figure out how to fix this myself," I burst.

"Mate you can't fix love," Liam frowned.

"Why don't you just play happy with her and see where it goes. Who knows maybe you're wrong and you'll end up falling just has hard as Ryana," Harry grins.

"Let's just go chill in the basement and forget this topic for the moment. I'm sure I'll figure something out," I said trying to sound confident that I'd figure something out but really I wasn't sure there was anything that I could do.

"Sure The lads and I can do that but you need to go and apologize to Ry and then you're more then welcomed to join us," Lila playfully frowned pointing towards the stairs.

"Fine," I huffed as I jumped every other step to get to the top faster.

When I came to Ryana's door I stopped and took a deep breathe. I couldn't stop twiddling my thumbs trying to come up with what I would say. How was I suppose to say sorry for throwing my "wife" down on the floor. She probably thinks I'm a monster.

"Louis?" I snapped out of my daydream and looked in front of me and right at Ryana who looked confused and startled.

"Sorry I was daydreaming, but I came up here to actually talk to you about what happened," I gulped.

"Oh so you weren't eavesdropping on my conversation with Corey?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No I wasn't. I just got up here and I was going to knock but my nerves got the best of me and I was second guessing talking to you. I'm sorry I'm rambling," I gulped once more.

"Oh okay. So what do you need?" Ryana asked as an awkwardness settled like an annoying fog.

"I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what happened and the way I was behaving, and how I've been acting. I'm just so stressed and I took it out on you because, well because I've just had a lot of anger built up about this marriage and it all came out. So I'm extremely sorry and hope this doesn't change the friendship we've built," I apologized and at the end I realized what I needed to do.

I realized that I have to let what happens happen and if she falls I'll have to do my best to make sure her fall is slightly less hurtful but I can't catch her. Maybe the best thing is to do the old friend zone. She'll realize that I have no interest in her and she'll hopefully just back off.